as told to (your name here)

Words and Music

I always just hoped that, that I'd meet some nice friendly girl, like the look of her, hope the look of me didn't make her physically sick, then pop the question and, um, settle down and be happy. It worked for my parents. Well, apart from the divorce and all that.


"For June who loved this garden from Joseph who always sat beside her." Some people do spend their whole lives together.

I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences... But the thing is, um, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. Just as you are.

No, right. Silence is golden. As the Tremeloes said. Clever guys. Although I think the original version was by, uh, Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. Great, great, great band. [hums "Silence is Golden"] Oh, shut up.

posted by tinyhands @ 11:59 PM 9 comments

Hat Trick

Secret decoder rings deactivated for this entry.

posted by tinyhands @ 11:59 PM 11 comments

Current events

Ok, it's not terribly current anymore, but I still love the story about Dick Cheney shooting a hunting buddy. I'm a hunter, so I've got the credentials to chime in briefly on the story that the news keeps getting hopelessly wrong. First of all, it's perfectly ok to call it 'peppering' when you shoot someone with a shotgun. I heard someone making fun of this term, but that's what it's called. I'm sorry Mr. Fake Newsman, but you just don't go around changing the meanings of words because you live in New York City. If you simply can't say peppered without giggling, you can say "stung 'im". Secondly, I've heard way too many people calling it 'buckshot' or 'BBs'. You shoot a quail with either buckshot or BBshot and there ain't gonna be a quail left to retrieve. It's called number 7 1/2 birdshot. Third, the media are the only ones up in arms about it taking so long to hold a press conference about the incident. And you know damn well that had Cheney come right out, they'd be all over him for holding a press conference when he should be looking after his buddy. That grumpy old man is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't, so don't expect him to shed a tear that you didn't get to grill him personally. But finally and most importantly the fact everyone has missed so far, is that it's a well-known Texas hunting tradition that if you pepper a buddy he gets a free shot at you.

In news closer to home, I want to thank all of my fellow Houstonians for being absolutely terrible drivers. Not just that, but inconsiderate. Yay Houston!

posted by tinyhands @ 11:59 PM 4 comments

Survivors

We survived another Valentine's Day.

At current count, I have 59 blogs saved in my "Favorites" list. Yesterday, there were 5900 entries on how much everyone hates Valentine's Day. It took me quite a while to get through them all, but the gist of it (and I'm saving you the time here, no extra charge) is that everyone hates it, including the married folk. Anti-sentiment sentiment from the unmarried was pretty clear, though nobody seems to be doing anything about it. Well, let me rephrase that- according to the 2006 CIA World Factbook, the world population is 6,446,131,400 (July 2005 est.) and the aggregate population growth rate is 1.14% (2005 est.). That means that at least some of you are hooking up. I tried plugging those numbers into The Excel Tool in every conceivable (no pun intended) combination, and despite my considerable skills with the software, everytime I asked it when I'd be getting some it just kept spitting back FALSE. So I think I need to upgrade my computer.

But while we're on the topic of The Excel Tool (see also: considerable skills), I decided to go back and look up a report that I wrote for my investments class last spring. I analyzed a public company and determined that instead of trading at $30.95, it was only worth $26.52. I wrote the report, turned it in, got my 'A' and went on my merry ('merry' being relative, of course) way. I went and looked up that company the other day and discovered that on 17 May 2005, barely a week after I wrote my report, the stock hit its 52-week low of ... wait for it ... $26.52. Now I ask you, when is the last time you heard that bald raving lunatic on TV give you a stock price to the dollars & cents? Right, he don't.

And I can't get a fookin entry-level job pouring that fool's coffee.

posted by tinyhands @ 11:59 PM 2 comments

@-`-,-----

Buy A Dog -- Luce
So if you want to try
We'll make it you and I
We'll never be alone
We'll buy a dog and bring him home
He'll jump up on the bed
We'll be the best of friends
I think that we should try
I picture you and I

*Note: Yes, it's supposed to be a rose and yes, you're supposed to be happy today.

posted by tinyhands @ 11:59 PM 4 comments

Saturday night

If you'll recall, last month I was out after dark taking pictures of a fountain and the museum of fine arts. I didn't mention all the additional people and the lights set up. What I didn't realize at the time was that the museum was having it's third monthly nightclub night. I thought it was a private party. Back in November, the museum started turning itself into a nightclub, complete with live music and/or DJs, alcohol, and priceless works of art. This only happens once a month, so I had to wait until last night to actually experience it properly. Oh yeah, and they don't advertise (that I'm aware of).

The event was scheduled from 8pm to 1:30am, and figuring it was like any decent nightclub, showing up at 8pm was simply not an option. What my friends and I didn't count on was the exponential volume growth the crowd experienced between last month and this. We arrived around 9:30 to find a line around the block at least 100m long. There was clearly no way we were getting in, and the police announced around 9:45 that they had reached maximum capacity. The line remained in place, since they would let people in as others left. Well back, with no hope of getting in, we ditched the line and walked back around to the front. Standing around for a few minutes, one of our group walked right up to cash registers and paid for 4 admissions, BLATANTLY cutting in front of at least 100 people. Nobody seemed to notice, so we got our hands stamped and walked right in. Into the tightly packed throng.

A line on one side of the museum foyer was for buying drink tickets, while the line on the other side was for redeeming them. Reasonable prices for mixed drinks, beer, and wine, considering this was supposed to be a nightclub after all. The other major difference between this place and most nightclubs was the crowd. This was a public venue, after all, so there were actually children there with parents, as well as a few senior citizens. The majority of the crowd was the typical 20-something club-going crowd, with a fair number of teen-something, 30-something and a few 40-somethings as well. Along with reasonable prices (entry was $10) and the diverse crowd, the other major difference between this and a "real" nightclub was that it was very well-lit. There were flashing lights of all colors, as one would expect in a nightclub, but also the regular gallery lighting. The music was loud, but not overwhelming, also different from my previous nightclub experiences.

The first floor of the museum, for those not familiar, is a split level, with the foyer at ground level and the first gallery on a raised, half-level. The main gallery was empty, of artworks, having been converted to dancefloor and it was solid people. The periphery of the dancefloor was more boozé stations as well as two stations of free Fourbucks coffee and tea. (Yeah Sass, I said FREE!) The second floor of the museum was the Basquiat exhibit, along with a roped off area for the DJ booth overlooking the first floor gallery/dancefloor. Entry to the exhibit along with the other museum rooms was unrestricted, so we strolled through the Basquiat exhibit - I have to say I'm not a fan, don't go for the modern art.

The rest is detail (as if I haven't written enough) - Grandmaster Flash came in around 10:30 to a huge reception. I'm not exactly a fan, but when I see someone at the peak of his particular art perform, I can certainly appreciate. GMF mixed old and new, worked the crowd, and put on a hell of a show. 30 degrees outside, 100+ inside. We partied until about 12:30 or 1 and rolled-out ahead of the crowd.

The museum calendar does not yet have a date scheduled for next month, but with the crowd both inside and out, it's a foregone conclusion that it'll happen again.

posted by tinyhands @ 11:59 PM 9 comments

Drunk blogging

Something I don't do very often, but I'm hella buzzed right now.
Friends and I crashed the party at the museum where Grandmaster Flash headlined the DJ booth. If you don't know who GMF is, you're in good company with the kiddos I hang out with, but I'm at least aware that he's the godfather of the DJ arts. Such a good time was had by all. More later, should I be able to remember it.

posted by tinyhands @ 11:59 PM 6 comments

Observation

When you wake someone up at 2:30am and you don't hear the same series of barking & clicking noises that pass for your language, it's safe to assume that you've dialed a wrong number. I thought this was universally true until last night when I received no less than 6 such calls within the span of 2 minutes. Area code 252 = North Carolina kooks.

(Well, it might have been Somalia, country code 252.)

posted by tinyhands @ 11:59 PM 6 comments

A reading from The Book of Tex: Chapter 2, Verse 6

Please set your secret decoder-rings to E7. Thank you.

The quote-of-the-day comes via The Waiter (whether it's attributable to him matters not): Love is ingenious.

In other news, the Sheryl Crow / Lance Armstrong breakup made the front page of China Daily. Front page. China (the one in Asia) Daily.

posted by tinyhands @ 11:59 PM 7 comments