Monday, March 29, 2010

Adore & Abhor (an homage)

* I absolutely adore the program Estudio 2 on the Estrella network (check your local listings). I'm not sure that any description I provide would be adequate, so I encourage you to check it out. It's on from 6-7p here in Houston, which means I come home from a long day of doing nothing, turn on the TV, and let the waves of good feelings wash over me like the warm, salty, slightly oily surf down in Galveston. Granted, I speak very little espaƱol but it really doesn't matter when you've got scantily clad latina go-go dancers and a midget. (The luchadores are el mas bono.) Honestly, I'm not sure that knowing the language would help with understanding this program, nor do I care.

* I abhor twitter. I'm not one of these idealists who thinks that 140 characters is the death of communication. Well, yeah, I am, but that's not really the reason I hate twitter. I hate twitter because the urge to follow celebrity tweets is irresistible. I love feeling like I just got a text message from my closest friend and knowing what they're up to, like red-carpet events and private screenings with backstage passes or jetting off to remote beaches on private islands. Damn you @hotakotb for making me want to be part of your inner circle!!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Tips for selecting your NCAA bracket

Earlier today I attempted to eat a Jolly Rancher. I love hard candies, and that's not a euphemism. What I don't like is when the wrapper separates in layers, leaving bits of itself stuck to the candy. (Your vocab word for the day is delamination.) I threw the whole thing away in frustration and decided to write a letter to the Hershey Corporation, which manufactures the tasty candy in question. This is because I have become Ted L. Nancy. I have recently written letters to Comcast, the Vietnamese Consulate, American Movie Classics (cable channel), and the Mayor of Houston. My latest letter is to the good people at Hersheys:
To whom it may concern:
I was recently given a Jolly Rancher by a coworker (more specifically, it was left unattended on his desk and nobody saw me take it) but I had a lot of difficulty with the wrapper. This was an Applestix candy, not the traditional bite-sized candy in a clear double-twist wrapper. As I unwrapped the candy, the wrapper came delaminated, with bits of the opaque wrapper coming off in my hand and other silvery bits sticking to the candy. I wound up throwing the whole thing away in frustration.

To answer what I'm sure is your next question, yes, I briefly considering putting the whole thing in my mouth and then spitting out the bits of wrapper as they separated from the candy. Unfortunately, I work in a professional environment (apart from the coworker-on-coworker candy thievery) so I did not consider spitting to be a viable alternative despite the fact that I live and work in Texas.

As the candy was not purchased by me, I am not seeking reimbursement. I just hope that you're able to fix this manufacturing/packaging problem before word gets around and people stop buying your otherwise delicious candy. Perhaps you could include a 'FAQ' on your website if there is some trick to unwrapping Jolly Ranchers. For example, "put them in the freezer for 10 minutes" or "submerge them in 190-degree water for 2 minutes." I really don't know what works best since I was only able to swipe two of the candies, but I don't recall ever having such difficulties.

PS: I appreciate the fact that the form on your website which requires me to enter my age allows me to select a year all the way back to 1890. I don't know how many 120 year olds still enjoy Jolly Ranchers, and while I cannot say that she was representative of all senior citizens, I do know that my Nana's Nana (God rest her soul) also liked hard candies. Perhaps it's genetic!