Friday, October 17, 2008

The end of an era

I am in mourning. Today, at approximately 2:45pm, the era of the Miata came to an end.

The accident occurred one day after my 37th birthday, and 16 days before her 10th birthday. She had a tick over 79,000 miles on her. I know that's less than 8,000 miles a year but we loved every minute we spent together.

I had already begun shopping for new shoes for her birthday. With an estimated blue book value under $6000, I expect the insurance company to total her and offer me much less. The airbags alone cost half of that.

The other victim, a 2008 Hummer H3, crossed into my lane of traffic unexpectedly. I believe I had the legal right-of-way, but again I expect the insurance company to screw me.

I am largely unharmed and I declined having an ambulance check me out. I have some minor burns and scrapes on my left arm from the airbag. My left shoulder/neck is starting to hurt a little bit from the seatbelt, but nothing a few muscle relaxers (and a bourbon) won't fix. I also inhaled a bit of smoke/powder from the airbags. I can still kinda taste it and feel it in my lungs a tiny bit, causing me to cough. I'll be fine, apart from the emotional scars.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

C is for "Craigslist"

and F is for "fake bitches all up in that shit." (ed.: We urged him not to try to sound ghetto- he's really very white)

[Note: This is the continuation of the subject begun on September 3rd (scroll down, lazy twat) when we were so rudely interrupted.]

It took me about 30 seconds to figure out that Craigslist is nothing but spammers trying to get you to respond to their ads so that they can sell your email address to someone who wants to sell you v!agra. How did I figure this out, you ask? Allow me to illustrate...

The following 3 personal ads were posted on 3 successive days:
Day 1, Age 33Day 2, Age 36Day 3, Age 35
Day 1, Age 33Day 2, Age 36Day 3, Age 35

That's right. I fookin p0wn the "Concentration" game and can spot when the same picture is used over and over. This poor girl probably has no idea her picture is on Craigslist, and probably isn't even from Houston. The pictures get reused, with different ages, numbers of kids, etc. It should strike you as odd how few of the women's pictures are horribly repellent. (Although I don't find her attractive, I'm not judging this particular individual.) I mean, the average person is pretty ugly, right? (The exception, of course, being my dear readers) CL women are, on average, way above average. And there is a SURPRISING number of women who are new in town.

Fake #2
This one is harder to spot as a fake, but it's the text that gives it away. It follows a formula used by "Jenny" (a very common name on CL, for some reason) over and over. There are subtle differences to this one, but what caught my eye was that he/she always failed to put a space after the first period: " name is Jenny.I am a very fun loving..."

Fake #3
Can you spot what makes this ad fake? That's right, it's the allcaps mad-lib style variable (MUSICTYPE2) that the genius forgot to fill in before posting it. Look closer and you'll see the formula used to generate these type of ads- "Intro: 3 characteristics. Interests and one disinterest. Garbage text. I'm searching for 3 other characteristics. More garbage text. Please contact me." If we're to believe this is real, then this girl is looking for someone who can be attractive. Apparently you needn't currently be attractive.

Fake #4
Note that the teenage boy who posted this ad couldn't even think of more than one FEMALETRAIT. Although the ad body is slightly different, the headline may as well be identical to the previous one. There are enough format similarities between this one and the previous that even if he had gotten the mad-libs right, you should be able to spot it as fake.

So are there any REAL ads on Craigslist? Far be it from me to say absolutely not, but the vast majority are fake. You've been warned: Do not go looking for love on CL.