BadBeth's comment on my last entry reminded me to publish a warning to all you kids watching at home: Learn from my mistake and don't choose an ex-lover's name as your safe word. When you're shouting out someone else's name, it's only going to encourage your current partner to whip you harder!
The exception to the rule is when you're cheating with a married partner. Your safe word probably should be the other person's spouse. Any of the following are also acceptable: - Shotgun - Machete - Divorce lawyer
(Feel free to leave your favorite safe words in the comments. I may not be able to look you in the eye ever again, but that's only because you disgust me. Don't take it personally.)
"One should never direct people towards happiness, because happiness too is an idol of the market-place. One should direct them towards mutual affection. A beast gnawing at its prey can be happy too, but only human beings can feel affection for each other, and this is the highest achievement they can aspire to."
Despite warnings from the two most lumberjacky people I know, my ex-girlfriend and my mother, I had an accident with the chainsaw today: My left leg is off, just above the knee. I don't want to bother with the emergency room, so I'm just pressing a tissue on it until it clots. On the bright side, my hair is as soft as Japanese silk.
I had a second, somewhat less critical, accident as well. In the sleepy light of the morning I reached for a, shall we say, love lubricant. However, I grabbed a tube of self-tanning moisturizer instead. Let me just say this, ladies, if you ever wanted a transracial experience from the safety of a white guy with tiny hands (*wink, wink*) you should call me quickly, as I'm told it will fade in 4-5 days. But you know what they say: Once you have a man with no legs, you never go back, baby. I know what you're thinkin'... You seen 'Porgy and Bess?'
If this is all there is, I probably won't ever make it back to Japan, China, Ireland, or France. I may never make that big trip that I always planned to Vienna, Prague, and Budapest or the other big trip to Morocco, Tunisia, and Egypt. I have no idea if I'll ever make any one of the smaller trips I'd love to make, such as to Peru, Vietnam, or Montreal. It's unlikely that I'll learn more than a few words in another language. I probably won't ever buy a bigger home, a bigger car, or bigger shoes. I doubt I'll ever be a CEO, CIO, or CFO, let alone a CPA, CFA, or CFP. I don't think I'll ever grow a beard. I may never be well-known and I'll never know if I've been missed. I'll probably never hold my own child.
If this is all there is, I'll go to work 5 days a week and come home at the end of the day. I'll try to exercise more and eat less. At least every other week I'll eat sushi at my neighborhood bar, where I'm a regular. I'll cook a fancy dinner for myself either Saturday or Sunday, and then I'll do the dishes. I'll probably eat in front of the tv, watch for a bit more, then crawl into bed with a book for 30 minutes or so before turning out the lights. I'll eventually get my patio the way I want it and "finish" decorating my home. Every couple of months, I'll drive up to my parents cabin in the Hill Country, stopping for BBQ in one small town and pastries in another. Once in a while I'll go out to a club to hear a band, or I might even go see a movie. For birthdays & Christmas, I'll lavish embarassingly large gifts on my nephews and niece. I'll also give my sister's kids candy, get them all riled up, and send them home. I suppose life will go on.
First, I want to thank all the people who had nice things to say after my last post. Everything in it is true, but I struggled with the very last sentence. The preceeding bits poured out like water from a pitcher, until I reached the end. I went through a couple of different endings and settled on that one, which I admit I don't really like either. So, your nice comments are your way of saying you didn't like it either. And even if you didn't leave a nice comment, or left a not nice comment, or thought of something nice that doesn't have anything to do with commenting on a blog, we're cool.
Second, about that thing with the person in that place with the deal... I accept full responsibility for that. I'm pretty sure there's no blame involved, so it just sucks all around. Just like the previous post, everything in it was true and I struggled with the very last. The preceeding bits poured out like water from a pitcher, until I reached the end. The rest, also as before. Comment or not, I hope we're cool.
I know it's been 6 weeks and you're probably hoping for more. I've got more, so this blog isn't completely exhausted, but I am. Ran right out of steam, I did. I'll be back soon.
Not having seen my grandmother in nearly a year, I had no choice but to go to her house for Easter. It's a 6-hour drive and I was the only one from my immediate family going. Fortunately, I hitched a ride with my uncle. Unfortunately, I hitched with my uncle. My uncle and his wife talk without listening, so it was a very long ride there and back.
One of the things I was most dreading about the weekend was going to church. I think I've mentioned before that my family is Catholic, although in varying degrees of devoutness. The further I feel from the church, the closer my sister gets, keeping it all in balance I suppose. Most of my family is tolerant of my lack of faith, but I wasn't sure how my grandmother would handle it. She's old school, of course, and has probably never questioned the church.
We (at my uncle's intention) arrived early enough for afternoon Good Friday mass, which has a reenactment of the Passion, followed by Veneration of the Cross (wiki-it, I'm too lazy to link it right now), and then Communion. After a bizarre Passion reenacted by an Indian priest (dots, not feathers), everyone gathered for Veneration. I chose to stay in the pew, rather than kiss the statue and, although my uncle shot me a disapproving look, my grandmother seemed ok with it. Same thing with Communion; I sat behind and it seemed to be ok. Nobody said anything.
Easter Sunday mass was the next test. My cousins arrived from out of town for this, along with their parents who are now divorced. It was kind of strange at first, sitting with my aunt's ex-husband, but I've always gotten along with the guy and the divorce was amicable. As with Friday, I sat out Communion and got away with it. What really got me thinking happened earlier in that Sunday mass. For those of you not familiar with Catholic mass, at one point the congregation is instructed to greet each other. Everyone in my family greeted my aunt's ex-husband as we always did, as part of the family. Afterwards, when we sat down, my grandmother (sitting next to me) leaned over and whispered, "I always liked him. He may not have been good to my daughter, but he was always good to me." I immediately responded with what popped into my head, although I hadn't been thinking about it previously: "I wonder if [my former mother-in-law] or [my ex-wife] would say the same thing about me." "You were always good to her, from what I could tell."
I spent the rest of the mass thinking about that, since I sure wasn't thinking about the possibility of some dude, 2000 years ago, rising from the dead. I wondered if my grandmother was just being my grandmother, blindly seeing no wrong. Or was she a wise old lady who knows how the grey areas between people in a relationship defy labels like 'right' and 'wrong.' Had I been good to my wife? I never cheated on her, never hit her, never belittled or insulted her. I never abused drugs or alcohol, I never gambled away my paychecks, and I never got bald, fat, and hairy. But those were all the bad things I never did. I sat there wondering if I had been good enough. The fourth anniversary of my divorce is 3 weeks from tomorrow, so it would seem not.
What do you mean once-a-month isn't good enough to maintain my blog? Oh, FINE. Here's what I've been up to...
I had a flash of inspiration about 2 weeks ago, and since I'm an adventurous cook (great idea for a new superhero: The Kitcheneer) I decided that I would invent a new dish for Chinese/Lunar New Year. Rather than honor the year of the Rat (since a KFC/Taco Bell in the Village already did that) I decided that I'd make stuffed squid. The idea was simple: Deep-fried squid tubes, stuffed with asian-y spiced crabmeat.
I started off with some basic ingredients:
- Chinese five spice - Garlic powder - Chili sesame seed oil - Rice vinegar - 1 can of crabmeat
I also chopped up some water chestnut and fresh cilantro.
On second thought, I'd rather use fresh garlic instead of the powdered.
Add one egg-yolk (not pictured) and thoroughly combine everything in a bowl. Hang on to the egg-white, we'll use that in a bit.
Note: I am intentionally NOT giving you the quantities of each ingredient. For one thing, I never cook with exact quantities of ingredients, so I don't know how much I used. For another, everyone's tastes are different. Get to know your ingredients and you'll know how much of each to add.
Now stuff 'em. Don't waste those tentacles though. You can see, I rolled them in flour and am about to fry those too.
As with all things in life, if you don't want a premature end to the fun, you've got to get your tubes tied. I used unwaxed, unflavored dental floss.
Finally, dip them in the egg-white and roll them in flour. Now fry, blot dry, and dip in your favorite sauce. I'm dipping in Ajinomoto-brand Gyoza sauce
The result: They were WAY chewy and quite disappointing for all the work involved in stuffing them. I should have just sliced the tubes into rings and made calamari, as I originally intended when I bought them.
I wish I had seen Jaden's post about Chinese New Year traditions & superstitions before I started cooking. She writes that squid is very unlucky at New Years, because they resemble the rolled-up blanket/bedroll once given to workers when they were laid-off. I probably wouldn't have heeded this advice anyway, because I'm both a man and stubborn (see also: redundant) therefore nobody tells me what not to do. While chopping the cilantro, I sliced off the tip of my left ring-finger. Either because I was dizzy from the blood loss, or because I was now doing things wrong-handedly to protect my bo-bo, I accidentally touched the edge of the fryer and gave myself a little burn. Strike two. The third strike came unexpectedly in the form of foam. I've never seen this before or since, but the oil in my fryer became quite foamy, and by the third batch of tubes, overflowed and spilled EVERYWHERE. At that point I gave up and threw away the remaining uncooked tubes (not much, actually) and commenced cursing fluently in every language I've ever heard. It took me a good hour to get a basic level of clean back to the kitchen, and several more days to get back to the surgical sterility to which I'm accustomed. *sigh* But will I pay heed in the future to superstitious warnings? Not as long as I've got a dick!
I don't feel like blogging, if you hadn't noticed. It's a little bit of not having any good stories, a little bit of already telling my one good story per week to the two people I talk to, and a lot of feeling Seasonal Affective right now. I still feel like I just got back from a great vacation and now I'm unhappy because I can't go on vacation again for a while.
But I'll give you two thoughts on politics, which is a popular topic right now. My first observation is that all the candidates are talking about change:
My second observation is that on January 3rd the voters of Iowa decided that Obama and Huckabee were the two best candidates. Then, less than a week later, voters in New Hampshire decided that Clinton and McCain were the two best. I don't take this to mean that there are differences between Iowa and New Hampshire or that the candidates have clarified or improved their positions. Since most Americans can't find either state on a map, the obvious conclusion is that they're the same. Thus, the changing opinion on candidates means that Americans are flip-floppers, that ALL Americans (because the states are indistinguishable) are therefore flip-floppers, and come this fall I'm not going to vote for a flip-flopping American. QED.
All things must come to an end, and so too did our Hawai'ian vacation. The last 3 days were every bit as busy as the previous.
The day after the lu'au, we drove up to the north coast of the island. We started out at Anaeho'omalu Bay (that's A-Bay to you haoles) where the beach was nice but the snorkeling sucked. We saw some petroglyphs after lunch and then drove up to Hapuna Beach State Park. The surf was up and the sand soft, but we didn't stay long. We crossed the northern neck over to Honoka'a and then down to the Waipio Valley (below, with Maui in the distance). We didn't go all the way down into the valley, since that would have been like climbing Everest on the way out. Next time. From Waipio, we drove into Kamuela (Waimea) and saw Jake Shimabukuro live in concert!
The following day, we rented a couple of kayaks and paddled across Kealakekua Bay to the State Historical Park and the Captain Cook monument. Captain James Cook commanded several voyages for the Royal Navy in the late 1700's, "discovering" the Hawai'ian archipelago in 1778 and naming them The Sandwich Isles. (Trivia: On his first trip to the Pacific, Cook commanded a ship named 'Endeavour' after which NASA named one of its space shuttles. On his second and third voyages, he was accompanied by another ship, 'Discovery' after which NASA named another shuttle.) Captain Cook met his fate at the hands of the native Hawai'ians at this spot on 14 February, 1779. In any case, the north end of the bay where the monument stands is only accessible from the water (hence the kayaks) and makes for some great snorkeling. The only downside is the 45-minute paddle BACK across the bay. That night we went to another lu'au. Unfortunately, the nicest thing I can say about that evening was the company.
Our last day on the island was a blur. We went to the international marketplace for gifts and souvenirs, to the drugstore to develop film, to Wal-Mart for more souvenirs, back to the farmer's market for even more souvenirs... with all that crap, it's amazing that we managed to repack our suitcases. For a while there it looked like we were going to have to leave some stuff behind. We took an overnight flight back to the mainland and made our goodbyes in Phoenix. After nine and half days together, I know Beth was glad to finally be rid of me and get back to her family. The price for that, however, was going from 82-degree weather on the island to 28-degree weather at home.
Just as aloha means hello, it also means goodbye. We now return you to your "regular" blogging.
We started out snorkeling at Kahalu'u Beach Park, which may have been Beth's first time snorkeling. This was an interesting beach because fresh water coming down off the mountainside (Hualalai) bubbles up from underground through the sand here. You can feel it, since it's noticeably colder, and you can see it as well- when the fresh water mixes with the ocean water it makes the water cloudy and visibility sucks. But if you swim out about 40-50 meters, the visibility improves and you can see a few things. I saw a Moray Eel and some reef triggerfish, the state fish of Hawai'i. (Ask Beth to say the local name.)
After lunch, as some storm clouds were rolling in, we decided to try to ditch the crowds and try snorkeling another site, Honaunau Bay, outside the Pu'uhonua O Honaunau National Historical Park (it is still forbidden for non-Hawai'ian-Royalty to enter the water here). But by the time we got there, the winds had picked up to the point that getting in and out of the water would have been too hazardous. We went home to nap and get cleaned up for the Kona Village Resort lu'au that evening.
The lu'au was moved indoors on account of the weather, but the food and entertainment were top notch (Mmmm, po-kaaay). The accomodations at the Village also looked excellent, so if you're looking for a place to stay, this place gets my recommendation.
It seemed a travesty to go all the way to Hawai'i and not see the island of Oahu. But I was already laying out a bunch of money just to get there and it was looking like another couple hundred for the inter-island airfare. Fortunately there was a pricewar going on just as we arrived and we scored tickets for $20! After renting a car from the world's worst car rental company (Advantage- seriously, they suck! Do not patronize them) we started with the memorial at Pearl Harbor, where there were more Japanese tourists than Americans. At least they were respectful; wish I could say the same for the Americans. From Honolulu to the west coast (with a brief stop at the pineapple plantation) at Haleiwa (below). We continued clockwise around the island and drove past the famous North Shore where the big surf competition was underway. Along the east coast with stops at a few scenic spots such as Kahana Bay (below), Kualoa park, and the Halona Blowhole. We ended the evening on the famous Waikiki beach.
To tell the truth, traffic on Oahu was pretty miserable and the weather wasn't much better. I was very happy to be back on a plane at the end of the day to the much more serene big island.
The big island is actually named Hawai'i. It is nicknamed "the big island" because it is more than twice as big as all the other islands combined. Should you ever visit the big island, everyone you meet will feel compelled to reveal this fact as though nobody else is allowed to let you in on the secret. It really is a big island though, and it takes a good 3 hours to drive from the Kona coast (west) to the island's biggest city, Hilo (east coast). We drove to Hilo to see Rainbow Falls and Akaka Falls. Hilo is also the best starting point for a helicopter tour of the current lava flow, not flowing from Kilauea itself but a vent named Pu'u 'O'o (pronounced Poo-ooh oh-oh). At the time of our visit, the lava was not flowing into the ocean (my fault) and was not erupting violently (also my fault), just ungodly hot (unless your name happens to be Pele) lava oozing out of this vent. Too far to hike, the helicopter is required. Beth and my mom initially said they wouldn't go, but when faced with the reality of being in Hawai'i and NOT seeing the lava, they relented. Little did they know, they'd be in the front seat together. Rumour has it, it was the highlight of the trip.
From the active volcano (Kilauea) to the dormant one (Mauna Kea), we set off early the next day to climb the world's tallest mountain. World's tallest if you include the part under the ocean, which nobody but Hawai'ians do. Still, at nearly 14,000 feet, it's pretty tall and high enough to give you headaches and other altitude-related ills. We started at the visitor center at 9,200 feet and got acclimated for a couple hours. Later, the rangers led us up to the summit for a tour of the undisputed best ground-based observatories on the planet. It was freezing-ass COLD up there, and had snowed only a few days earlier. Yes, it snows in Hawai'i. We stayed for sunset, then back down to the visitor center where they let us look through some much smaller telescopes at more stars than we've ever seen, nor will likely ever see again. (The entire island of Hawai'i imposes light ordinances to enable the stargazing.) Capping it off, we saw 2 satellites and a shooting star streak across the sky.
I've been on other volcanic islands before and I've always had the general sense of, "Ok, so this place was created by molten rock that came out of that mountain over there." *shrug* But yesterday we went to Volcanoes National Park and saw the lava flows in person. Not fresh lava, as that's flowing too far away to which to hike, but we saw the devastation caused by countless millions of tons of liquid earth. Words fail to describe it and pictures barely capture a fraction of seeing, in every direction as far as the eye can see, the field of devastation.
Also, at sunset, I was the most southern man in the United States. Or southernmost, whichever. But it was at sunset, so that makes it official, in the recordbooks.
We spent the morning of "Black Friday" at the farmer's market. Fortunately, you don't have to get there at 4am to get a good deal. Lots of seashell jewelry and fresh fruits. In the afternoon we drove South down the coast to Kealakekua and Honaunau. Saw some sea turtles that crawled up on the beach to rest and some lush, nearly-rainforest hills. There are flowers everywhere, mostly bougainvilla (in every color of the rainbow) but some plumeria and even HUGE pointsettias. Here's sunset yesterday and just before sunrise today...
It's 7am Friday, that makes it about 11am back home. I've been up for about 2 hours. Beth and I met up in Phoenix and flew together from there to Kona. We're here until next week, staying with my parents. Contrary to my regular vacation philosophy, there are no plans. There's plenty to see and do, but we'll get around to it whenever we feel like it.
This is the beach across the street from our condo, sunset yesterday...
Both of my readers have been after me to write something, even though I talk to them all the time, so there's nothing they don't already know about. Still, they bug the piss right out of me, so it's easier to capitulate and write than endure the hissy fit any longer. Here are my thoughts on the new Fall TV schedule...
Monday: Big Bang Theory (7:30, CBS) - Nope. Watched the first episode and felt like I'd already seen it. All the "gags" were already in the promos, so the rest of the filler wasn't worth it. Also, I hate studio audiences that will laugh at anything.
Chuck (7:00, NBC) - Maybe. First episode wasn't terrible and the acting wasn't half bad. The premise is a little weak, but it's kind of funny to see them poking fun at Geek Squad/Best Buy and others. These nerds are more believable and likeable than Big Bang Theory's. I'll give it another couple of weeks.
Journeyman (9:00, NBC) - Yes. I was a little worried with the special effects that kind of suck, but I really like Kevin McKidd (Rome) and the ending of episode 1 was really good (so good, in fact, that I didn't erase it from the DVR). I just wish network execs weren't so afraid of letting a Scottish actor use his Scottish accent. Are Americans not sophisticated enough to handle it?
Tuesday: Reaper (8:00, CW) - Probably. Whether it's all in my head or not, the influence of Kevin Smith appears to be all over this show, and I'm more than ok with that. The pilot was pretty amusing, though I didn't expect that from a show on CW.
Wednesday: Back to You (7:00, Fox) - NO! I watched the pilot and felt really bad about myself afterwards. It's trying to be an Anchorman rip-off and fails miserably. No chemistry, no character, and another artificially enthusiastic studio audience- ICK! The only thing funny about this show is that I bet Fox spent a fortune getting Kelsey & Pat. HA!
Life (9:00, NBC) - Probably. Another British actor (Damian Lewis- Band of Brothers) disguising his accent, but this cop drama has some realistic humor too. I particularly like that he's a Zen practitioner, though I bet it irks the family values nazis who patrol television like it's their job to protect us from anything that's not evangelical Christianity.</rant> NBC has spent some money on this show though, in all the right places. Hello Fox?
Thursday: Big Shots (9:00, ABC) - Maybe. This is basically "Desperate Executives". The pilot wasn't awful so, like Chuck, I'll give it a couple more weeks.
Friday: Moonlight (8:00, CBS) - No. I wanted to like this cop-vampire show, but the acting is TERRIBLE and the production is pretty lame. I think they tried for a bit of a Sin City feel, but didn't go all the way, so it just sucked.
Sunday: Tell Me You Love Me (8:00, HBO) - Yes, but I don't love the show. It's kind of uncomfortable for me, for personal reasons, to watch couples struggling with their relationships. Still, there's some good nudity & sex, so I'll keep watching.
Not yet aired: Aliens in America (Mon, 7:30, CW) - Looks promising. Cavemen (Tues, 7:00, ABC) - Promises to be terrible. Carpoolers (Tues, 7:30, ABC) - Not sure how the story will last more than 1 episode. Pushing Daisies (Wed, 7:00, ABC) - Looks very promising.
New, but not Interested: Gossip Girl, K-Ville, Cane, Bionic Woman, Private Practice, Dirty Sexy Money I'm Still Watching: Heroes (Mon, 8:00, NBC) Rules of Engagement (Mon, 8:30, CBS) Boston Legal (Tues, 9:00, ABC) My Name Is Earl (Thu, 7:00, NBC) 30 Rock (Thu, 7:30, NBC) Ugly Betty (Thu, 7:00, ABC) ER (Thu, 9:00, NBC) Desperate Housewives (Sun, 8:00, ABC) Brothers & Sisters (Sun, 9:00, ABC)
I don't figure anyone really wants to read a day by day recap of where I went and what I saw while on vacation up north, but here's the highlights and you can see photos over on Beth's blog:
Coney Island: Ate a hot dog on the boardwalk, rode the Wonder Wheel and the Cyclone. Astroland is now closed, apparently forever, so if you haven't gone you missed it. If you hurry you can still shoot the freak. Yankee Game: My jinx against professional sports also works in the TriState Area but it was well worth the price of admission to eat a hot dog in the house that Ruth built. Yankee Stadium is due to be demolished after next year, so get off your butts and go see it. Philly: Independence Hall is more impressive than I thought, but I think the right tour guide makes all the difference. Liberty Bell is just so-so, imho. Also saw Christ Church and a pretty weak King Tut exhibit. Ate the best cheesesteaks (ploural) in town. Atlantic City: I don't really like my gambling to be so family-friendly, but the boardwalk and beach kick-ass. I won $18 at video poker but still had to pay for my own buffet. Where's the comps? The Cloisters: What the hell is the protocol on the "recommended" donation? I didn't really want to pay the whole $20 but I'm not going to give those museum snobs the satisfaction of looking down at me. Wall Street: Pet the bull, greed is good. Central Park Reservoir: Why is everyone else walking counter-clockwise? Chinatown: Yum yum dim sum, my first xiaolong bao. Oh yes, I will be making these at home. Something's amiss when parking costs more than dinner though.
The worst part of any vacation is going home. Yes, there's the tears, but even worse than that is the airline food. Can you believe Continental, my favorite airline, now serves Hot Pockets!? Airline food has never been anything close to "cuisine" but Coair used to do a decent job of not killing you before you reached your destination. On the flight there, I was served a chicken sandwich that looked like a hamburger. Where I come from, chicken patties are breaded, without exception. So I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when on the flight home they served a "chicken wrap". But as I live and breathe, that was no wrap and I've got the diarrhea to prove it. 'Nuff said.
So tired. I just spent the last 9 days dragging Beth all over the Tristate area looking for "soup dumplings" (xiaolong bao) and cheesesteaks. Fortunately for everyone, I was eventually successful and nobody got hurt. No, rephrase: My feet hurt.
But I was planning to be in New York for Fashion Week anyway, so it worked out nicely: I do my little turn on the catwalk then power my way through the cheese fries. It's going to take me a few days to digest all this and readjust to home, so I'll give you a more fuller update in a day or two.
Last night I finished the book mentioned in the previous post. As I mentioned before, there's a lot of psychology in the book and only the very last chapter gives any hint at how to apply all that research for fun and profit. Allow me to recap:
We want to be happy in the future, but since we can't see the future directly, we imagine what it will be like and we imagine what will make us happy. Three things prevent us from having an accurate imagination. The first is the fact that we fail to imagine every detail of the future, some of which are critically important, such as how quickly the happiness of the acquisition of some thing fades. The second thing is our tendency to imagine the future based on how we feel today, the over-buying groceries on an empty stomach, for example. The third failure of our imagination is our under-reaction, in the future, to events we perceive as important today. For example, getting divorced was something I imagined much worse than it really was.
The final chapter gives us an alternative to our imagination: Asking someone else. Instead of imagining what it's like to go to Hawaii, we could read a travel book or talk to someone who has been there. The author points out, however, that our ego usually prevents us from taking this tactic. We tend to believe that our experiences are unique and that we're somehow different from everyone else, when the truth is that we (even strangers) have so much more in common. Thus, we usually revert back to imagining our future-selves wildly happy and we wind up puzzled that our current-selves aren't as happy as our past-selves imagined we'd be.
My own opinion is that the author is right, with one small exception: relationships with specific individuals. The author claims we should learn what will make us happy by talking to someone with first-hand knowledge of the thing we wish to experience. However, if my girlfriend talked to my ex-wife and ex-girlfriends, she's likely to learn all the things that make those girls my exes. That wouldn't make anyone happy.
I'm finally back from Orlando. I know you missed me- I won't make you say it.
I spent some time with extended family recently. It was miserable. I hate to sound like such a downer all the time, because that's even less fun for you to read than it is for me to live, but the truth is such as it is. I don't know if it's self-pity or self-awareness, but I was very self-conscious about the fact that I'm the only adult in my family without a family of my own. Maybe the seed of that was planted in my mind by my father who, after we had dinner together last week, said he thought I was "a great catch." Not the kind of thing you want to hear from a parent, no matter how true it happens to be. (And it happens to be very true.) I know what he was hinting at, but I'm not settling down any time soon no matter how much he wants it. The old man is a perv and he wants to live vicariously through me.
I've never been able to see my future very well. Although there are things that I want for my life, I just don't have much imagination for getting from here to there. I finished that killer book a little over a week ago and am now reading Stumbling On Happiness. The book, so far, is a psychological explanation of how we experience the world in which we presently live and how our past and present experiences determine what we think the future will be like. The reality is that the future is rarely what we expect so the choices we make today, with the hope or expectation of some future result (i.e. happiness), are often misguided. I'd say that describes me to a tee. I'll try to let you know what happens next.
My girlfriend went out of town this weekend with her family so that left me home all alone, unsupervised, and prepared to get into all manner of trouble. I started by vacuuming the house and then I did laundry. Saturday night I did something extremely naughty: I went for ice cream.
Guess the hookers & blow will have to wait for when I'm not so busy with housework.
I think that most people, when they've been in a relationship for awhile, get to a place where they're really comfortable both with themselves and with their partner. For most people, this might mean letting out a little *poot* in front of the other person. For some, it means letting out a BIG *fwoof* in front of the other. I am neither one of those people.
Another thing that I think sometimes happens is that when you've been with the same person for a while you begin to question whether the other person still finds you attractive. This might also lead to questioning whether other people in general find you attractive. So maybe you engage in a little harmless flirting just to reassure yourself.
HairWashGirl: Hi. Just lean back. Is that water too warm? Tinyhands: Nah, I like it hot.1 HWG: Ha. So you got any big plans this weekend? Me: Nope, just a hairscut and a couple loads of laundry. HWG: Really? Nothing exciting going on? Me: Nah. (Long silence while she rubs my scalp ... I'm concentrating) HWG: So do you have any pets? Dog? Me: I have two fish. HWG: You should get a dog. Me: I'd like to get a puppy but I'm never home to play with it2. HWG: Yeah, but you need some excitement in your life. Me: So you think I should get some more fish? HWG: ... HWG: Let's go see if HairCutGirl is ready for you.
Oh yeah, I still got it. For good measure I like to throw in the double six-guns, just like Shooter McGavin.
1This is where I correctly surmise she's never heard that one before. 2Harmless little lies go well with harmless flirting.
I suppose it's close enough to mid-year to do a mid-year resolution review. Resolution #1 was to read a book a month. So far this year I've only read four:
-Jump The Shark - This hardly counts, since it's so short. And it sucked. But my sister gave it to me and I can't NOT read a book I own, so there you go.
-How To Ruin Your Life - This hardly counts since it's also very short, but at least it didn't suck. It's full of sarcasm, but I suppose if you really wanted to ruin your life you could. I'll post some quotes soon.
-New Orleans, Mon Amour - I defy you to read this book without a Romanian accent in your head. Sometimes I would read one of the essays out loud and do my best impression of the accent. Since I read this entire book on a plane, the other passengers probably hated it. A Christmas present that I actually asked for, I enjoyed it quite a lot.
-The Four Loves - I've already written about this one. A gift from a blogger chick I met online. I enjoyed it a lot and continue to think about memorable passages that apply in daily life.
So I'm behind in my reading. I've been working on First Man for a while. As you can see, it's nearly 800 pages and I'm less than 25% done. I haven't been reading at night like I used to, so I need to get back into the habit (among other habits). I also have this and this in the queue to be read. Feel free to drop a recommendation.
Resolution #2 was to take another step towards living the kind of life that I want. This is why I love the touchy-feely, subjective resolutions: I can totally BS my way through it and nobody knows any different! Honestly, I think I've backslid a little bit over the last couple of months, as if you didn't notice my complete lack of May posts. I don't want to go into detail but, apart from a certain relationship, I haven't been all that happy lately. It's nothing you need to worry about, but it's time to shake things up.
Ok, I said no tags but JR tagged me before I said that so...
Five Reasons Why I Blog
5. So that I can do memes. 4. Because I just can't see myself in a black turtleneck and Birks at Fourbuck's writing my deepest thoughts into a moleskin. 3. Because nobody would visit this website if I didn't. 2. The voices tell me to type, so I type. 1. Tomeetchicks.
I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but make no mistake, I am a tool.
About Me
Name: tinyhands
Location: Houston, Texas, United States
Alone between the sheets, only brings exasperation. It's time to walk the streets, smell the desperation. At least there's pretty lights.
And though there's little variation, it nullifies the night from overkill.
I started off with some basic ingredients:
Now pull out those icky, slimey 
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