Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Return to the End

Time for an update, abbreviated version:
I met some online people for lunch a few weeks ago. We ate soup dumplings, then went to a different restaurant and ate soup dumplings. After that, there was another restaurant where soup dumplings were served. Rounding out the meal was a fourth restaurant for soup dumplings.

I had a dream recently that I'd been shot in the back, low. I remember calling 9-1-1 and having to put up with the operator who was giving me a hard time because this was not my first gunshot wound. I was laying face down in the street and the paramedic who arrived to treat me was straddling me, sitting on my upward-facing butt, which was not entirely comfortable. I felt the needle-sticks going into my collar bone, but then woke up laying face down. AND MY PILLOW WAS GONE! (not really)

At that fourth restaurant we had other foods besides soup dumplings (at all the restaurants, actually). Among other things, I ate duck tongues (tasty) and pig's ear (not bad, but not good) and snout (quite good). The group that I joined was somewhat already a group who kinda sorta knew each other. At each restaurant there was always a little discussion about what one member of the group, of (presumably) Russian descent who was absent, would think. I felt like Jan Brady with all the talk about Misha Misha Misha!

If you know me at all, you know I try to keep an open mind, so to occupy myself during the long, hot summer I ordered some gear over the internet. The first kit arrived from Trepanning Depot and was, of course, missing some backordered parts. The second kit was ordered from Trepanation-Haus, but wouldn't you know it, the kit is METRIC. Argh!

Whenever things get rough, I always return to the end. Things are obviously pretty rough right now, but there's always something in the music to light the way and this time is no exception. However, I NEED A VACATION! I wanted to see all of North Africa (Morocco, Tunisia, Egypt) in one go, but it's so bloody expensive to board a plane right now, no matter what countries you're going to or from. I'm thinking about scaling it back and only going to Morocco, but seeing more of the country than originally planned. I'm also considering trying to be in Machu Picchu for the autumnal equinox. Watching China Week on the Travel Channel and all the Olympic stuff gearing up is killing me, since I so loved that trip. But I'm resolved not to go anywhere near China until well after the hoopla has died. I've also considered (and ruled out, due to price) Korea, Vietnam, and Taiwan. Anybody have any better ideas?

Friday, July 11, 2008

A modest proposal

It's been a few weeks since the immigration debate has made headlines, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't keep talking about it. I've come up with an idea that I think will make a lot of people very happy, since on the one hand it keeps the Hispanics in Mexico (where some people believe they belong) and on the other hand we don't have to build an enormous wall (to which an equal number of people object).

For reference, here's a map of the United States as we now know it:

and as you can see in the map below, I've made a few minor changes:

Most notable is that I've redrawn the southern border such that we have ceded land back to Mexico. This includes the cities of Houston, San Antonio, Phoenix, San Diego, and much of the Los Angeles area. This won't come as much of a surprise to the residents of those cities, since they already have sizeable Hispanic populations.

As compensation to the millions of Americans (white, black, red, brown, AND yellow) who suddenly find themselves Mexican citizens (instant citizenship through a deal with the Calderón government) I propose that we also invade Canada and take over the best parts of Ontario and Quebec provinces, making Montreal and Toronto part of a new American state to be called tinyhandia (shown in maroon). Canada should keep Quebec because we'd just fuck it up, calling it KWA-beck (it's khe-BECK, people), and they should keep Ottowa since it's already their capital and, well... fuck Ottowa. I think we should also grab Vancouver, since I've heard it's beautiful and Americans should be able to go there without having to cross the border, change money, or endure the scrutiny of the locals who know we're going to steadfastly refuse to adopt dollar coins.

I know this is a somewhat radical idea, but this country was founded on radical ideas and I believe you gotta shake things up every once in a while. Also consider the economic stimulus effect on all the map and flag makers who are going to have to revise all their shit! Way better than a measley little $600 check.