Thursday, February 10, 2005

American Idle

I was doing my taxes earlier with the help of a wonderful program that shall remain nameless until their endorsement check clears (no free publicity). I'm going through the questionnaire and it starts off with the basics: name, address, SSN, etc. Then it asks for your W-2, which for my foreign friends is a document sent to you by your employer (if you're an employee) that lists how much they paid you, how much taxes they withheld, etc. Since I didn't work at all in 2004, I don't have any W-2s. Ok, do you have a 1099-misc (form for independent contractors)? No, go fish. 1099-div/1099-int (income from investments)? Yes, I've got a couple of those. The program actually said to me,
PC: "Damn son, you made a lousy couple thou in the market and you can't do your taxes without this stupid program? I should erase your harddrive, bitch."
Me: Yeah, but I bought this rad condo and paid points. What about my deductions?
PC: "Cracka, puh-lease." (apparently my PC is street)

All because my brain is now whipped potatoes that have gone and rotted. I looked for a job today, and found a couple of things I'm both interested in and could reasonably fool someone that I'm qualified for. But with the state I'm in (read: retarded, no offense to actual retarded people) it's probably better if they don't call me. I cite as evidence-

Exhibit 1: I had a conversation with someone recently that was equivalent to this fictional reenactment-
Her: You know, I really like M&Ms
Me: Really? I prefer M&Ms instead.

Exhibit 2: I had another conversation with someone where I apparently gave her advice on her love life. Me. Give advice on anyone's love life. You want butter and bacon bits with those potatoes?

Exhibit 3: I heard on the news that The Tony Danza show was picked up for next season. Is no one listening to me? Am I screaming alone in the dark? Why do I bother getting up in the early afternoon?

So if I've talked to/emailed/IM'ed you or left a comment on your blog recently and you came away thinking "that boy full o' shit" a) you're not alone; and b) you're right. We apologise for the confusion. Those responsible have been sacked.

14 Comments:

At 7:36 AM, Blogger Allie#3ga said...

paid points did you ... and how does one get a house with no job...you're a magic man!

 
At 8:06 AM, Blogger Badaunt said...

I thought the state you were in was Texas.

 
At 8:15 AM, Blogger Tasty said...

Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti.

 
At 8:34 AM, Blogger Kate the Peon said...

TH, I love coming here.

 
At 10:39 AM, Blogger tinyhands said...

Al- I'm exceptionally disciplined with money. I'm also exceptional at being disciplined, but you knew that already.

Theic- Alright smarty pants, I'm going to stop translating into Kiwi if you keep that up.

Tasty- Bonus points for the extended characterset.

Katey Bear- That's sweet of you to say. I'm giving you a free one-year membership.

 
At 11:03 AM, Blogger Heather said...

I'm just saying...

No hard feelings?

 
At 12:17 PM, Blogger evilsciencechick said...

Those responsible for the sacking have been sacked.

The new blogger commenting thing is wigging me out a bit.

I have recieved no random IM's from you that left me thinking you are full of shit. The no IMs is kind of surprising, considering your fondness for stalking. Then again, I'm invisible a lot.

I had a point...what was it?

oh! I like M&Ms too!

 
At 1:57 PM, Blogger Zelda said...

They picked up Tony Danza's show again? Who is he blackmailing and what did they do?

 
At 2:03 PM, Blogger mellancollyeyes said...

I think my PC is from England. I always hear it speaking with an accent. Maybe we should put our PCs together for some good times.

Also, I like M&Ms too. Especially the peanut butter ones.

 
At 2:06 PM, Blogger christ*el #3tx said...

i like M&M's. just not the blue ones. they scare me.


but frankenstein doesnt scare me.

 
At 2:12 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

Bonnie Heather- No hard feelings, but let's keep it out little secret that I was talking about you and you were talking about me. I wouldn't want that to get out.

ESC- I like the new commenting thing. I used to have to open comments in a new window so I could refer back to what I was responding to. And it fixed some flaw in the old stylesheet that wouldn't let me delete comments. I have full control now, mortals.

Z- Thank you, this is what I'm saying. The man don't speak no English and he gots a show. What up with that?

Adrianne- I got hooked on a new kind of pseudo-M&M in China. Instead of a peanut center, they have a sunflower seed. Yum!

#3tx- It's too easy to confuse the blue ones with your other meds, eh?

 
At 2:38 PM, Blogger christ*el #3tx said...

no, they just aren't normal. that's why the voices tell me to not eat them.

dur.

 
At 5:41 PM, Blogger April said...

I like your comments. Keep 'em coming.

 
At 12:10 AM, Blogger amy said...

feb.14th it's official 12:03 AM
happy valentine's day. i thank you for your friendship .... through our blogs. have an amazing week. inky

 

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