Sunday, January 30, 2005

It was a dark & drizzly night

I just finished another book, this one entitled Story - The Way of Water. It's a biography of astronaut Story Musgrave. Dr. Musgrave is an amazing mind, and if this man had devoted his life to evil instead of poetry we'd all be slaves in his world while a lucky few serve him latt├ęs and scones. Seriously, he's scary smart. The book is actually a difficult read because although it's a biography, a great deal of it comes from his personal journals and interviews, so it's practically an autobiography. The way he speaks and thinks can be very difficult if you're not a) artistic, b) philosophical, or c) him. Nevertheless, he made a few good points I'd like to share with you:
We have been designed to perceive the beauty of earth and heavens. It is part of our constitution, a means to survival! Response to beauty is organic, mind and body - physiological.
p. 80

Privilege to see the Sphinx, but I would trade for all that the Sphinx and the pyramids have seen.
p. 253

Biological need for intimacy. Intimacy fulfils the need, the real need. I can control my solitude, not my intimacy. Easier to be solitary. Need to be intimate.
p. 435
I hardly qualify as the same species as this person, but I'm reminded of some of my own thoughts and writings. The first quote reminds me a bit of what I wrote on what it is to appreciate the beauty of a woman. Before my "epiphany" I only had half of the equation, the body. There's a lot to be said for the mind, my own mind, that is. The second quote reminds me of the quiz from Inside the Actor's Studio, what I'd like to hear God, if He exists, say when I arrive at the pearly gates. Finally, with regard to intimacy, it's what I've hinted at in my post on loneliness.

For those of you who only care if I write something funny, here's a true story from my life: My ex-wife (aside: first draft I forgot to write ex-) had never been with a man before me. Ladies, I'll let you in on a secret here- the reason guys fantasize about that is for no other reason than it takes the pressure to perform off. Truth be told, I didn't really care but I did have a bit of fun with it. That is, I joked one day that when a man gets aroused, if you listen closely you can hear it, kind of like the creaking of a rusty hinge. She strained & strained to hear it, and of course I'd insist that you have to get REAL close to hear it. Occasionally I'd make a squeaking noise when watching TV or something and she'd shoot me a dirty look.

Back to serious thoughts- I'm thinking about taking a blog-hiatus. I've been out of work for 19 months now. I burned a huge hole in my savings this month with property taxes and school. I'm a virtual shut-in in my house, which must smell even though I'm tidy and regularly burn incense and candles...I just know it has to smell funky to the few visitors I've had recently. I have to get out of my rut. I like you all (well, except one who must be destroyed) but blogging is a poor substitute for real human interaction. I have to stop listening to my mp3s and get out of here. I wandered around the streets of this town trying to find sense of it all. The rain on my face, it covers the trace of all the tears I'd had to waste. Why must we hide emotions? Why must we never break down and cry?


At 4:36 AM, Blogger Badaunt said...

Instead of taking a blog hiatus, I think you should promise ON THIS BLOG WITH ALL OF US TAKING NOTE that you will get out of the house at least four times a week and interact with real, warm, living human beans. And then you will come home and blog about it OTHERWISE WE WILL TRACK YOU DOWN AND um, do something that will make you regret not getting out of the houses and interacting with real, warm, living human beans.

Give your blog a new purpose.

(P.S. Teasing spouses is what spouses are for.)

At 6:17 AM, Blogger Kate the Peon said...

Ah, Tiny. I'd hate to see you go, but I'd understand.

At 7:18 AM, Blogger Allie#3ga said...

you do what you have to do sweet boy. we'll be here waiting to see what you have to say when you get back!

At 8:01 AM, Blogger Zelda said...

So come meet me and Jethro somewhere public and well lit. Then we can hear your sweet NPR voice live, and you can judge for yourself whether I'm "brassy."

At 10:14 AM, Blogger Mike said...

Going outside and speaking to humans doesn't prohibit you or prevent you from blogging. It is actually blog-enhancing, much as a stint on the Approokie would be.

Oh, and I think you'll find me nearly undestroyable. I'm plucky.

At 12:28 PM, Blogger mellancollyeyes said...

it's a dark day in the sad world of this girl to hear you shall be parting...

At 12:38 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

It's not a done deal that I'm setting this aside, I just need to figure out how to change my life for the better. Once I do that, I can stop posting depressing shit and make y'all laugh which is all I want to do in the first place.

At 1:44 PM, Blogger Kate the Peon said...

You could tickle us.

At 4:43 PM, Blogger Heather said...

I won't try to stop you, but realize that your leaving will contribute significantly to my pre-existing abandonment issues and my inability to trust/depend on men.

At 6:34 PM, Blogger christ*el #3tx said...

i hear there's going to be a KICK ASS TIME TO BE HAD in ATL this weekend. wanna come be our cabana boy?

*is it bad that i laughed out loud at the creaking story? i was trying to be good*

At 10:18 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

KtP- I still owe you a spank first.

Heather- Isn't Psych 101 over? You know you can forget all that stuff now. They won't quiz you on it at graduation.

#3tx- You buy, I fly. It's the best offer I've had in a very long time, and between the 5 of you the airfare wouldn't be that much.

At 11:28 PM, Blogger Jethro said...

Hey man,
You do what you need to. If you do want to hang out with me and Zelda, just let us know. You'll probably have to schedule it with Zelda because she gets to use the computer more than I do.

At 11:30 PM, Blogger Heather said...

Hey, moron, I'm a Psych major.

At 7:05 PM, Blogger The Tart said...

U R a sick rusty ticket.

1 bread crumb!

; )


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