as told to (your name here)

Please please me

My sister has rather dramatically found Jesus, or some shit like that. Over the past year she has gotten progressively holier-than-thou and it's pissing me off, because she's taking every opportunity to take shots at me. She now attends church during the week as well.

Last weekend, before nephew's birthday, I went to the mall looking for gifts. I called sister from the Discovery store, since there were a few things there he might like but I wanted confirmation from her. I did not mention the model solar system, since it shows the sun at the center and I figured she didn't want to distort her kids with all that evolutionist garbage. She shot down all the other ideas and suggested I drive across town to a specific store for something rather ordinary. Instead, I wound up buying him "Cars" underpants from the Disney store that already come with skid marks.

The birthday party was a lot better than I imagined. First of all, Ralphie Rat's Pizza is the mecca of unwed teenage mothers. That's hot. Second, they've got a bitchin human-habitrail setup there. I'm not sure how they get petulant kids out of it at closing time, but I think they just hook up a hose and flush them out. That's what I did with Peaches the gerbil when I was 8. But most of all, my niece who is all of 15 months, is absolutely adorable. She can't say my name yet but she comes to me wanting to be picked up and giggles when I tickle her. Most women pepper-spray me when I do that.

posted by tinyhands @ 11:59 PM