Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Hooch is NOT a bitch

Hehe, I promised her I'd title tonight's misery in her honour ... actually there's not much misery tonight, sorry dear. (aside: The day ain't over yet)

My idea for a new daytime TV show is in pre-production. "Judge Mental" combines the worst aspects of Jerry Springer, Montell Williams, and Maury Povich with a fake courtroom setting. I play the role of Judge Mental and get to pronounce verdicts on white trash, racists, playas™, foreigners, and of course liberals. In the pilot, I sentenced everyone to death, which may be why the networks passed even though it tested well. (UPN is still interested though, which puzzles me because, like I said, it tested well. I was under the impression they only ran shit nobody watches.)

In other news, I've been keeping a rather regular exercise regimen lately despite the oppressive heat even after dark. I can't afford an iPod, but my old man gave me a cheapo mp3 player that works just as well. I load up an hour's worth of songs and go walk the neighborhood streets. I love looking in people's windows as I walk by (Yes, I stay on the sidewalk. I'm a creepy stalker-type guy but I'm not that creepy!). If I were at all creative I'd think up interesting stories for the strange stuff I see. Like the guy with 2 TVs on the dining room table and another on the bookshelf behind those. (Note: He's always home, sitting in the dark watching all 3. And you thought I was creepy?) Or why so many people have patio furniture. Don't they know you can't sit outside?

But the most startling revelation is that I'm a dork. Last week I'm walking along, minding my own business, when You're The First, The Last, My Everything by Barry White comes on. Suddenly, I've lost total control of my body and I'm doing the dance Peter MacNichol did on Ally McBeal as "John Cage" in the middle of the street (if I can find a clip online, I'll link to it).

When the song was over, I gathered up my dignity and hurried home.

12 Comments:

At 2:54 AM, Blogger mellancollyeyes said...

You watched Ally McBeal?! I loved that show!!!!!!!!!!!

 
At 7:33 AM, Blogger daniel said...

This is a fun blog to read...battery acid on child molesters, ally mcbeal...what else can a guy ask for in oline entertainment..

 
At 10:01 AM, Blogger Jethro said...

What? No ninja dancing? Nobody was Kung fu Fighting?

 
At 11:18 AM, Blogger christ*el #3tx said...

honey when barry gets aholt of your spine, aint NOTHIN you can do about it.



(who was that hick sounding woman who just used MY fingers to type?)

 
At 11:52 AM, Blogger Sass said...

That was you?

 
At 1:08 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

Aide- I wasn't a regular, I just always happened to catch the shows/reruns with some ridiculous dance number. (PS- Have the talk)

Drunk- What else? I've placed an order for boobies but they're back-ordered.

Jeth- I'll leave the fake karate to you.

#3moo- Hey lady, where you get all them teeth?

Sass- I did NOT appreciate you calling the cops. Sheesh, can't a guy dance in the middle of the street anymore?

 
At 4:32 PM, Blogger Sass said...

Admitting you have a problem is step #1

 
At 4:32 PM, Blogger Sass said...

Bygones

 
At 9:49 PM, Blogger Brighton said...

You so remind me of a character that would be on Ally McBeal- big personality and quirky. I love that!!

 
At 11:34 PM, Blogger mellancollyeyes said...

i'm going to. (ps. you should have been a regular. it was good.)

 
At 2:33 PM, Blogger Jammie J. said...

Welcome to Dorkdom my friend. I've been waiting for you.

 
At 4:47 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

sass: Step 1? There's more? Forget this.

Bright-one: Too bad I don't have a regular personality and a big quirky.

Aide: ...with garlic mashed potatoes...

J: Ahh, a friendly face.

 

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