Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Relax Luther, it's much worse than you think

When did people stop wearing shoes? I do a lot of people watching, and I'm noticing that shoes are optional nowadays. For the purposes of this evening's rant, shoes will be defined to include sandals with at least one leather/leatherette strap. I don't have a problem with seeing people's feet, if that's what you're thinking. But lately I've been seeing a lot of $0.99 flip-flops on those feet. Come on people, have a little decency when you leave the house. I'm not asking you to put on something expensive. I'm not even going to insist that the ladies wear heels (though I'll look a little closer if you do). But save the cheap ass flip-flops for the beach. And pick up your feet when you walk. You're shuffling.

In other news, I've had a counter on my blog now for a while. I made it invisible so you wouldn't feel self-conscious about me monitoring your comings and goings, but now that I've mentioned it I guess I've shot that all to hell, haven't I? Some of the comings are easy to identify, as I occasionally see or pop up. Others aren't so easy to link to a specific person, not that it really matters. Those of you with sitemeters know that the other cool thing is that it tracks referring pages- If you clicked on a link to my page from someone else's, I'd see where you were coming from. It's just that cool. Most of the referring pages are blank or blocked, which probably means you either typed in my URL directly or clicked on my page saved to your 'favorites' (BTW- thank you). A couple times a day I'll get a batch of referring pages that are other people's blogs, which I'm told means someone was hitting "next" in the top righthand corner. The real gems though are the searches. It's not hard to decipher what someone was searching for when they got my blog instead. I know this is a popular blog theme, but I bet at least one of you didn't know all that detail about sitemeters, so chew me.

Although I've gotten a lot of visits from people looking up a popular daytime talkshow host (mentioned in 2 consecutive entry titles) no one has been searching for sex, kinky or otherwise, and found me (sounds like art imitating life, if you ask me). Not one person. Really? Really really. But my all-time favorite query, where someone got my blog instead of what they were looking for, is "Gaaah!" Someone actually typed that into Google. So, welcome.


At 2:52 AM, Blogger Badaunt said...

My recent favourites are:

obsession with bowels
knickers showing
fish semen

(I thought for a moment of confusing you by using a proxy from... oh, Uganda or somewhere, and always going to your page using that, but it's too much trouble and not funny enough.)

At 7:04 AM, Blogger Hooch said...

I get a lot for brazilian waxes and poddy calves (don't ask), but I had one last night...

long term singleness

...and MY NAME CAME UP???

Now that is depressing!

At 8:33 AM, Blogger Zelda said...

Not the best, the one that sticks in my mind the most was Anal Cirque du Soleil.

At 10:18 AM, Blogger evilsciencechick said...

I am guilty of flimsy flipflops...but not like I wear them nice places! OK, church...once! But I'm up in the choir loft where no one sees my feet but Jesus, and HE wore sandals and can't really complain.

To get the sex terms, you have to talk about sex more. Try randomly typing HOT GIRL ON GIRL ACTION into a post, or GRANDMA SEX is also very popular.

Ironically, two recent searches that led to my site: "flip-flops" and "shoe fetish"

also fun: "naughty bachelorette on tape"

At 11:48 AM, Blogger mellancollyeyes said...

you've been tracking my visits? i feel so violated. now i will have to stop checking this compulsively 100 times a day because i'm soo embarassed!


At 11:49 AM, Blogger Allie#3ga said...

i have feet issues. my request is that if you wear sandals or flip flops or whatever - that's cool with me. just for the LOVE of God ... have your feet done. and that doesn't mean just polish the toes .... get the pumice out!

At 1:00 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

Theic- I don't know, Uganda would have been pretty funny.

Hooch- That IS depressing, I think you win.

Z- Did you see the guy on 60 Minutes last week? They're always looking for new acts.

ESC- Bad, bad scientist! Jesus didn't wear dirty green dish-sponges on his feet.

Adrianne- Now now, I love seeing UMN.EDU show up too.

Al- Dirty feet with flip-flops are far more common than makes me comfortable.

At 1:20 PM, Blogger evilsciencechick said...

ahem...excuse me? they were very fashionable, black with an oriental floral pattern and a black faux jewel flower on the top.

they were ADORABLE, and Jesus would LOVE THEM!

At 2:14 PM, Blogger Tasty said...

I recommend "girls gone wild" as a possible entry.

At 3:28 PM, Blogger Zelda said...

I wonder what exactly they would do. And what kind of music it would be set to. And would they be speaking French?

At 4:16 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

ESC- I'm sure you looked lovely in your fashionable $0.99 flip-flops. A lovely, fashionably inappropriate heathen but lovely nonetheless.

Tasty- And I was counting on you to get the movie quote. :(

Z- They say one of the new shows in Vegas is specifically "adult". I say any of the shows with those bendy chicks are "adult".

At 4:42 PM, Blogger Jethro said...

Thanks man. You just reminded me that I need to check mine too. I haven't done that in awhile.

At 5:25 PM, Blogger evilsciencechick said...

I'm a $15 heathen, thank-you-very-much!

I pay too much for flip flops.

I almost picked up a cool pair today at target for $10. Pink with little sparkly doohickies hanging off the straps.


but noooo...TH would make FUN of me....

At 8:54 PM, Blogger J. said...

Flip flops don't bug me, the shuffling thing irritates cuss words out of me, muttered under my breath, of course.

Or maybe I'm just irritable today.

Since I passworded I don't get fun searches anymore. Now I just get "irritated blogger" ... hrm.

At 9:53 PM, Blogger christ*el #3tx said...

no, napolean. I got the movie quote.


At 10:25 PM, Blogger me said...

Here are my February highlights:

Search Keyphrases (Top 10)
mary kay laterno pictures
tampon stuck inside
ice cubes up my butt
blocked urethra
panty wearing men

(I'm sad on the inside.)

At 1:37 AM, Blogger tinyhands said...

ESC- In all likelihood I will make fun of you anyway.

Jeanette- I guess they have to shuffle to keep the stupid things on their feets.

#3tx- Wrong. Fuckin' duh.

ブレベン- No fair, you guys get all the cool freaks and I get searches for "nicknames quiz".

At 7:31 AM, Blogger Badaunt said...

Was that sufficiently funny? (Couldn't find Uganda, sorry.)

At 7:54 AM, Blogger christ*el #3tx said...

i thought it was the GAAAAAH quote.

not the mission impossible one.

so sorry.

At 11:40 AM, Blogger tinyhands said...

Theic- If by being the same you wanted funny, then yes.

#3tx- "Gaaah" would be Dilbert, but since that's not a movie it doesn't count. And you missed "Shrek". :P

At 1:43 PM, Blogger Badaunt said...

Eh? IT DIDN'T WORK? (I know I posted the comment using my usual IP address, but before that...?)

At 4:27 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

I don't think so. Maybe "funny" means something different in your goofy Kiwi/Japanese language? My sitemeter

At 12:17 PM, Blogger Badaunt said...

NOW I get it. You're not using Statcounter, you're using Sitemeter, and that means you didn't get to see a row of African and Middle Eastern flags as I painstakingly changed proxy about 10 times. ALL MY EFFORTS WERE WASTED. They just came up as numbers and domain names, no cute but puzzling little flags. Waaaa!

Actually I can't even find them in your stats. Sitemeter's stats are CONFUSING. You don't get to see all the information on one page, like this:

(Notice all the traffic I'm getting from BlogExplosion? I've been exploded!)

At 6:43 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

It's just like me to ruin your good time, eh?


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