Sunday, October 10, 2004

Your blog sucks

I'm trying to get back into the swing of blogging. I had to take a break for personal reasons, but I'll be back more or less regularly from now on.

Tonight's topic: Your blog sucks.
Don't take this personally, in fact, if you're one of the dozen or so people whose blog I have commented on don't take this at all. I promise I don't comment on lame blogs. I'm making a comment ABOUT lame blogs now, which sounds the same as commenting on lame blogs, but when I say that I don't comment on lame blogs I mean that I don't comment AT lame blogs. That's crystal clear, right? Where was I?

Oh yeah, your blog sucks. You might have noticed that I have a lot of free time on my hands and that I browse blogs, looking for good stuff. I don't have any particular pattern to it, I just click the next blog button at the top right-hand corner repeatedly until something strikes my fancy. I really should count how many times I do this and what my success/sucks-to-excess ratio is. Occassionally I have to click the back button and click next again because your blog sucks SO much that you've removed the next button. I've found a couple of rules for determining if your blog sucks (by no means comprehensive):
  • If your blog has transitions on it, like where it fades in then fades out when I click next because your blog sucks, your blog sucks.
  • Likewise, if your blog has a soundtrack, your blog sucks.
  • If the colors on your blog are so loud that my retinae detach, your blog sucks.
  • If your blog tries to set a cookie on my computer, your blog sucks.
  • If your blog only has one entry that says "test", your blog sucks.
  • If you have a plug-in that tells me the current time & temperature where you live, your blog sucks.
  • If your blog is about nothing but mesothelioma, I'm sorry you're going to die but your blog sucks.
  • If your blog is obviously corporate and says something like Maryland Life Insurance a hundred times so that you show up on Google, your blog sucks.
  • If you use your when you mean you are, then you suck and your blog sucks too.
  • Likewise with their, there, and they're.
  • If your blog is about how dreadful your life is and you can't find a single funny, romantic, or otherwise clever thing to say, your blog sucks.
  • If the only thing you write about is politics, your blog sucks.
  • If your blog is a collection of links to news stories with a one-liner you may or may not have written, your blog sucks.

So, to the VAST majority of bloggers I have encountered so far, your blog sucks.
I welcome suggestions for additional rules.


14 Comments:

At 1:11 PM, Blogger gymnfly said...

I apologize. I was rude and I have publically made the announcement that I am/was. Thankyou for pointing this out. I appriciate it. Makes ppl a better person because of this.
Again, thankyou.
Miss Rebecca

 
At 1:13 PM, Blogger gymnfly said...

I apologize. I was rude and I have publically made the announcement that I am/was. Thankyou for pointing this out. I appriciate it. Makes ppl a better person because of this.
Again, thankyou.
Miss Rebecca

 
At 6:28 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

You're forgiven, and I hope I wasn't overly harsh as I also tend to be. And I hope you caught the caveat that this entry wasn't about you...

 
At 1:59 AM, Blogger Badaunt said...

How about:

If your blog is all about your uniqueness and how misunderstood you are, your blog sucks.

If your blog is all about your wonderful faith and how much God loves you, your blog sucks.

If your blog is all about your horrible teachers and how they misunderstand you and treat you like shit, your blog sucks.

 
At 12:33 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

Yes, yes, and yes.

 
At 11:55 AM, Blogger toysintheattic said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 12:00 PM, Blogger toysintheattic said...

if your blog is a diary of your day in high school and how jane told bob mary's secret about roger, your blog sucks.

 
At 12:03 PM, Blogger JacK said...

Nice, attic. How about... if your blog changes my mouse cursor, your blog sucks.

 
At 4:12 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

attic- Jane is a bitch anyway.

JacK- YES!

 
At 3:32 PM, Blogger me said...

How much does my blog suck?

 
At 5:56 PM, Blogger mike said...

that sums up a great deal of blogs.

By your standards, my blog is only semi sucky. :)

Mike
London, Ontario, Canada

 
At 12:42 AM, Blogger christ*el #3tx said...

according to the lists, mine does not suck.



YAY me!

 
At 12:39 AM, Blogger tonia said...

good thing i only got this blog so i can comment on yours...
that way, no way will MY blog suck!

 
At 6:06 PM, Blogger The Tart said...

Am I on the 'suck' list because I deleted UR comment once? *sigh*

Another bread crumb!

; )

 

Post a Comment

<< Home