as told to (your name here)

The lengths I will go to

I drove across town to let my old man buy me lunch. Sushi buffet no less, so it was worth the drive. There aren't many foods that aren't made better in the all-you-can-eat milieu. (aside: That's not true of course, but I had the word 'milieu' stuck in my lobe and needed to use it.) The real purpose was to arrange a lunch meeting with a guy I used to work with, in hopes he would hire me. Dad's mission in life is to see me gainfully employed, while I much prefer the trustfund playboy bachelor image I've been honing. If he doesn't start seeing things my way I'm either going to have to put him in a home (aside: Mom would just go and get him and bring him back to their house anyway) or buy some leather pants and nobody wants that. The lunch date went fine, but since they both work for the government, it's not like either one of them can just pick up the phone and hire someone. You have to fill out a form to get the paperwork...

A trip to the suburbs means seeing mom, sis (hereafter- the baby machine, TBM), and TBM's kids, two sticky little boys ages 3 & 1. Sticky has its time and place and although little boys invented it, big boys and the women who love them perfected it. So you can imagine that I'm not all that thrilled to be greeted by red Kool-Aid kisses and chocolate hand-prints on my linen shirt. (aside: For my foreign readers, Kool-Aid is a diabetic's nightmare drink that doesn't come in flavours it comes in colours. The extra 'u' is my attempt to make you feel at home.) TBM wouldn't be TBM if there wasn't a third on the way, and Vegas bookmakers are predicting another sticky boy. And what visit to a household inhabited by children under 5 would be complete without a couple good shots to the stones? I honestly don't know how my brother-in-law manages to continue to procreate while living in the same house as a couple of children whose ability to stomp grapes rivals the best french winemakers. Maybe all that speedbagging just makes the swimmers want to get the hell out of there faster. But TBM's latest announcement is 'unexpected' since they say they wanted to wait another year and then try some voodoo/Dr. Phil shite (aside: also for the foreigners) to get a little girl. They're blaming the antibiotics she was on while sick last month for "disabling the firewall." I think they're just showing off having sex while sick enough to require prescription medication to underscore how little sex I'm having, and since it's my sister we're going to stop discussing it lest the nightmares return.

Wednesday Music Edition-
1. (Tie) Jamie Cullum - These Are The Days / Jamie Cullum - All At Sea
Ok, this kid's been around for a few months, but I just found him. Chew me.
3. Jason Mraz - Sleep All Day
Yes, I've known about JM for some time. Appropriate for my lifestyle.
4. Nickel Creek - The Lighthouse's Tale
My family would worry if they knew how much I listen to this one.
5. Earth, Wind & Fire - September
Such depth of funk I am in awe. Best played at 11 with the top down in traffic so that everyone around you can see just how much better your life is than theirs. Tip- Drive slow like you've got nowhere to go.

posted by tinyhands @ 11:59 PM