Sunday, July 17, 2005

Meditation

On having people in your life-
It's too easy to restrict people from your life, or to kick them out. It's far too hard to add people to your life. Imagine if you could just walk up to someone and say, "I like the look of you. I want you in my life." First off, to Scarlett Johansson: "Call me." As for the other, "Come by on your way home from work. I've cleaned house and you can decompress here. Yes, I bought fresh flowers. Kick off your shoes, I know they ache from being crammed in those cute little heels all day. I'll give your feet a quick rub as you sip a glass (just one) of wine while dinner simmers. Something stronger than wine? If you need it, but I give good foot so I doubt you will. Watch the news or, if it's too depressing, just put on some music. For the moment, it doesn't matter what I like- It would make me happy if you find something you like. We can talk through dinner but we don't have to. I won't sit there imagining you're thinking of being with someone else. Yes, I used to. A piece of dark chocolate (just one) and green tea after dinner. Leave the dishes- I'll clean up later. I have nothing else to do when you go. I may dim the lights a bit and long for you to lean in (assuming I didn't use too much garlic, like I usually do), but I'll kick you out in time to get a good night's sleep before doing it all again tomorrow. Please blow out the candles. Sorry, the flowers stay here."

But you just can't say that to a complete stranger. It just isn't done. You don't spread that kind of fantasy out on the table, like the brochure for some all-inclusive, ten-thousand-a-night resort, and expect someone to buy it sight-unseen. It isn't believable, it isn't worth ten-thousand-a-night, and it just isn't done. You're supposed to start small, on neutral territory, non-threatening. By the time you get around to the dream it's a different dream. Yes, it might be better than the original, but that's not the point. The point is that there's no shortcut and it just isn't done.

Instead he walks into the grocery store with his head bowed, hoping to avoid being seen by no one in particular. "I have nothing to offer you," he whispers to himself. It's a mantra he's developed over the last few years (yes, years). It's concise and tidy. It's not as self-defeating as "she wouldn't be interested in me anyway." Inaudibly whispering "I have nothing to offer you" to the woman touching every single one of the tomatoes instantly reminds- All she's thinking about is tomatoes, she doesn't want to be hit on. Whispered again to the girl who just cut in line at the deli counter. He can tell by her language, body and verbal, that she has her own fantasy and never considered that his even exists. "I have nothing to offer you. And it's your loss."

15 Comments:

At 3:23 AM, Blogger mellancollyeyes said...

you have plenty to offer. try laying it all out on the table one time...see what happens...

you can offer ME a nice steak dinner now, though. with dessert. and an appetizer. :) see that's plenty.

 
At 9:41 AM, Blogger Allie#3ga said...

pauvre garçon que j'offrirais, mais je veux plus d'un verre de vin et une seule pièce du chocolat....oh, et vérifie votre email

 
At 10:24 AM, Blogger Tasty said...

Lovely, sweet man. Lovely.

 
At 1:26 PM, Blogger Brighton said...

You have much to offer. And your good looking to boot.
Now just go out and find the girl!

 
At 2:09 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

Aide: I don't know about that dinner. You were kind of shady on the details last time I checked.

#3ga: Merci beaucoup mais vous êtes les marchandises endommagées. Merci pour l'autre.

Tasty: *curtsy*

Bright-one: Of course I have much to offer, it's a matter of to whom to offer. Et merci pour l'autre aussi.

 
At 3:57 PM, Blogger Allie#3ga said...

âne, juste m'avez-vous appelé les marchandises endommagées ? le puits a joué mon ami, puits joué ? ?

 
At 4:06 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

#3ga- Si je ne pensais pas vous avez su que combien je vous ai aimé je craindrais sérieusement la fin de ma vie.

 
At 2:26 AM, Blogger mellancollyeyes said...

What?! Shady on what details?!

...you owe me...

no backing out now

 
At 11:41 AM, Blogger Kate the Peon said...

This made me very sad.

 
At 7:50 PM, Blogger lucidkim said...

this made me feel. like i'm too quick to shut the door on people instead of seeing what they have to offer - so certain am i that while they may have plenty to offer it is not me they wish to offer it to. (this sounds slighly yoda-ish in tone. on purpose, it is not) kim

 
At 1:01 AM, Blogger tinyhands said...

Aide- Not backing out, just skeptical.

Kate- Not my intent. Hug it out.

Kim- So what are you prepared to do about it?

 
At 11:12 PM, Blogger lucidkim said...

you had to ask, didn't you. at the moment i'm trying to remain firmly planted when approached instead of fleeing madly the other direction. what did you say one time? another yoda quote comes to mind. something like "do not try. do or do not." i was going to say "all i can do is try" when i remembered you said that. so i won't say that. kim

 
At 11:54 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

Would you prefer the Mr. Miyagi "squish like grape" story? It's only partially applicable here, but a nice change of pace from Yoda.

["Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try."]

 
At 12:18 AM, Blogger lucidkim said...

squishing grapes sounds interesting, but yoda made me happy tonight. kim

 
At 8:50 PM, Blogger The Tart said...

U would be suprised what we Tarts are thinkin ~ when U think we R not!

Cruton or 2 dropped here.

; )

 

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