Friday, December 03, 2004

More leftovers

I'm thinking about getting me one of those mail-order Russian brides. My finances are a little tight at the moment, but I think they take Discover. I've seen Birthday Girl and yes, it scared me there for a bit. And I'm sorry that I keep going back to the Love Actually well, but I love the storyline between Jamie and Aurelia. They can't understand a word the other is saying but they still manage to fall in love. In my case, as those of you who read my blog and DO understand the words that come out of my head already know, the language barrier is probably a necessity.

I'm also thinking about getting a puppy and a motorcycle, also as soon as the finances straighten out. I'm pretty sure I want an Italian Greyhound and a Harley-Davidson Sportster. They ride a lot of motorcycles in Europe, so I think my Russian Bride would be ok with it.

Last up, 2 more stupid commercials: Much better if you've misplaced reality's phone number.
-First, a series of GMC truck ads where they ask questions like, "If an M1 Abrams Tank can have an Allison Transmission, why can't your truck?" Umm, because an M1 weighs a couple of tons and costs somewhere around $10MM? "If a skateboard can have an independent suspension, why can't your truck?" Dude, the guy who told you that a skateboard has an independent suspension also drinks the bong-water. They even compare their truck to a nuclear submarine. Just how stupid do you think I am?
-Second, the Hallmark store ad for a little snowman doll that plays Jingle Bells. A woman envisions leaving the doll at her neighbor's door, ringing the doorbell and running away. 1- How the hell did she get across the street so quickly to peek through the window? 2- Do you seriously expect me to believe that the old man's mutt wouldn't grab that vibrating, jingling doll and shake it until it's gums bleed?

19 Comments:

At 3:10 AM, Blogger Badaunt said...

No dog required. If someone left that vibrating jingling doll on my doorstep I'd grab it and shake it until my gums bled, too. I have already heard enough tinkly, bland, fingernails-on-chalkboard Xmas music this year to make me scream, and I'm in Japan. We're not SUPPOSED to celebrate Xmas here. Why can't they have Buddhamas Day and go OHMMMM a lot instead? It would be easier on the nerves.

 
At 9:41 AM, Blogger Heather said...

I like that Halmark commercial...

I watched Love Actually with some girlfriends last night in your honor. I've decided I'm most like Sarah: hopelessly in love and afraid to admit, not to mention the tendency to screw things up as soon as I get what I want; and a little like Natalie: prone to embarrassing myself in the worst of situations.

My favorite part is when Hugh Grant dances. ::Sigh::...I'm a sucker for really sexy guys making fools out of themselves.

 
At 10:20 AM, Blogger se7en said...

Yah, those ads are pretty stupid but it's really business as usual, have you ever seen any ads from the 50's? Like the analogy to a jet fighter because they put tailfins on the back. Like it's really going to go faster or something. But,they all take license to compare their latest to the greatest.
I imagined the look on the face of the woman with the Santa doll if the dog had lifted his leg on it, now that would have been funny!

Does Love Actually have silly women in it? If so, i'm there I am a sucker for silly women!

 
At 1:38 PM, Blogger Zelda said...

The commercial I have hated the most in recent years had been the Quiznos commercial with the talking dead rats. I used to love Quiznos, but I can't eat there now because everytime I see their sign, I think of those disgusting dead things.

If you are a food chain, it is probably wise to think 'hygenic' when advertising.

 
At 5:50 PM, Blogger amy said...

If I send ya a couple of bucks, will that help buy the Russian bride? I just love winter romances.....

PS: Being a graphic designer, I can give ya cheap rates for designing your wedding invites too. :)

 
At 8:22 PM, Blogger Allie#3ga said...

1. go for the dog. chicks love a man with a dog.

and

i LOVE the quizno's commercial - when it came out i was a vegetarian and i used to crack up when people would get skeeved out by the hamsters or whatever in the commercial and still go in there and order meat - it's still something dead .... ( and generally tasty )

 
At 11:54 PM, Blogger Zelda said...

I have a feeling that Quiznos wasn't exactly trying to corner the vegan market. I mean, what is the point of alienating omniverous, such as myself, when they are the majority of your customers? Poor marketing, that.

And Tinyhands, have you been reading nomarriage.com?

 
At 12:11 AM, Blogger tinyhands said...

Theic- Would you believe I actually planned my China trip to be in Beijing for Buddha's birthday (May 26th)? I spent the morning in Tiananmen Square then the afternoon at a temple where I met the Dalai Lama's nephew. Had we been in Hong Kong, I could have seen a relic of the Buddha's finger!

We discussed the Quizno's commercial in my Marketing class last semester. I never liked the commercials. But whether or not it made you want to eat there, the point appears to be that we all remember that commercial. I gave up eating there because the toasted bread rips up the inside of my mouth.

Z- I've never seen that site before, thanks!

 
At 3:01 AM, Blogger Heather said...

My gay ex-boyfriend LOVED that Quizno's commercial. When it came on TV, he would turn it up really loud, and he and his skank-ho best friend used to sing it ALL THE TIME. I think they actually made Quizno's hamster t-shirts. He also downloaded the song from the commercial on his phone so he could use it as his ring.

Gay, skank-ho best friend, ridiculously obnoxious...Do we need more information to draw conclusions as to why this relationship failed? I think not.

 
At 9:03 AM, Blogger Zelda said...

I can't get off the Quiznos commercial. I used to love Quiznos when they advertised their toasted sandwiches with melty cheese. Now, even though I remember the dead rat commercial, I cannot eat there anymore. I don't think that was their intention. I mean, they can't make a profit if they have grossed out their customer base to the point where they can no longer consume their food.

 
At 11:15 AM, Blogger Maryam said...

Nice blog I like it. I didn't know that you have a blog all this time. Anyway, Don't worry "Birthday Girl" is just a movie, don't let it scare you :P and good luck with russian bride :))

 
At 12:06 PM, Blogger M'Ary* said...

Ditto #3GA about the dog.

Are you straight? Cuz right about now my requirements for marriage are:

1. Straight
2. Employed
3. Not a Hitter

I don't speak Russian, but I have a serious West Virginia accent.

 
At 12:30 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

NonBonnie Heather- The lesson is that Subway people shouldn't date Quizno's people.

Z- I take back what I said about that website. Terrible, terrible site.

Mary- A popular question (*wink* Z): I'm unnecessarily straight, unemployable, and I've never hit a person in anger. WV, huh? Tempting...

 
At 1:08 PM, Blogger Allie#3ga said...

never hit a person in anger ... this leads me to ask - when have you hit a person? and mary - i'm gonna have to ask you to step back from my online boyfriend....or hey, do you think he could handle this much boobs iwth you and me both??

 
At 1:13 PM, Blogger Zelda said...

Isn't it awful? With the exception of a few articles, the whole thing kind of made me ill.

 
At 3:48 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

Al- Clarification, a smack on the ass isn't "hitting" is it? And you're leaving out Zelda- She's pretty racktaculous in her own right. (And I'll answer the question: No, I can't handle it all.)

Z- I wish I believed it was sarcastic/humorous, but I know whomever wrote that actually thinks that way. Pitiful. Women are so damn beautiful, anyone who automatically discounts roughly 140 million of them is an idiot.

 
At 1:03 PM, Blogger Zelda said...

You're such a gentleman.

 
At 4:23 AM, Blogger Badaunt said...

I didn't know Buddha's birthday was May 26th. Must ask my Buddhist minister friend whether anything is made of it at her temple. It certainly isn't in Japan generally.

On a trip to India I stood under the Bodhi tree, and nothing happened. Ohm.

(But shortly after that I was approached by a sleazy, scary looking guy with a knife scar on his face and The Man spotted him and ran over and CONFRONTED HIM AND THREATENED HIM and I couldn't believe it. Turned out it was the same guy who kidnapped a Japanese female tourist 10 years earlier when The Man was there (they recognised each other, and you could see the hackles rising), and The Man had rescued her and arranged for the scary guy and his gang to be beaten up by a rival gang... it is a long story which he had been telling me about an hour earlier and the whole thing was just too wild and scary for me, even though he didn't get hurt in the end. These guys had WEAPONS, and they KIDNAPPED people. They were GANG MEMBERS. What was The Man doing threatening them? I wanted to run like hell, but The Man and the knife scar guy did that thing where guys stick their faces real close and yell, you know how it goes, and I was terrified. And then the knife scar guy went away, throwing threats and curses over his shoulder and pretending he wasn't intimidated.)

(Is that the longest parenthetical comment you've ever had posted to your blog? Totally off topic, too!)

 
At 1:36 AM, Blogger christ*el #3tx said...

seven- i'm a silly girl. ask anyone. or ask allie and mary, they can personally attest.

mary- YOU dont have a WV accent, bubba does.

tiny- you cannot handle the Boobitude those 2 pack. i swear.

 

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