Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Fun and games until someone loses an eye

I received my water/sewage bill today, no big whoop. Under the chart of my last 12 months water usage, it says "Your water conservation target is 2 Thousand Gallons". It doesn't tell me what I win if I hit the target, which I have for more than the last 12 months. What fun is a game with no prizes? (And don't give me any of that 'you're saving the ecosystem' bullshit- I want stickers or a stuffed animal prize. I'll settle for a refrigerator magnet.)

I also spent the day trying to rid my attic of the bushy-tailed rats that decided to move in without paying rent. I bought something called "Deer Off" that says it's also good for squirrels and other rodents. It's mostly liquid pepper. I sprayed it all over the attic, especially where they were nesting and around the hole they've been using for ingress/egress. I couldn't actually plug the hole because it's where the roof meets the rafters and I'm not 6 inches tall. Honest to God, my attic now smells like buffalo wings. What are the odds a 'Hooters' girl or two will want to move in?

But I drove down to mom & dad's to borrow his extension-ladder so that I can plug the hole from the outside. Big storm on the way back, so I had to drive slow. Do you have any idea how long it takes to drive 40 miles at 40 miles per hour!?

It's been raining hard off and on for over a week now and a lot of the city has flooded. I saw an interview on the news with a woman whose brand-new neighborhood was flooded. She said, "They say it's because of all the construction, but all the new houses are being built way down the street there." Jane, you ignorant slut. It never occurred to you that rain water doesn't soak into all the concrete streets and slabs in your brand-new neighborhood, or into the parking lot of all the new (empty) strip malls that had to be built around your brand-new neighborhood. Rain water won't be absorbed by all the trees you mowed-down to build your brand new neighborhood, or into the additional lanes of freeway that I have to pay for (both directly and indirectly) so that your brand-new neighborhood can be 50 miles away from town but still be within the city limits. Gee I hope you file a flood-insurance claim with the same company that insures my home.

9 Comments:

At 1:45 AM, Blogger Heather said...

Umm...Does being ignorant have to make her a slut? Just curious...

 
At 2:01 AM, Blogger tinyhands said...

Bonnie Heather- It's a line from a classic Saturday Night Live skit, the original Weekend Update with Dan Akroyd & Jane Curtain.

 
At 4:12 AM, Blogger Badaunt said...

The rainwater/concrete connection is one they don't seem to have made here, either. Every time it rains, it seems, there's a flood somewhere. Landslides too, due to the stupid practice of cutting down forests and replanting with all the same kind of tree. Since the new forests all have the same root depth, they're not stable, and the whole lot slides down the mountain when it rains.

Also, the trees they plant (cedar, usually) cause allergies so badly that in the pollen season they show the 'pollen front' on the weather map on TV, and a huge proportion of Japanese suffer from horrendous hayfever every spring. All this is well known, and they're still planting cedar on hillsides and concretizing every flat surface. (And some hillsides as well, not to mention rivers.)

Stupid stupid stupid.

 
At 6:56 AM, Blogger Allie#3ga said...

is it wrong that your environmental moment made me a little hot? i'm just asking ..... and i got your regrigerator magnet right here!

 
At 10:09 AM, Blogger Mike said...

An hour! It takes an hour! Wooooo!

What do I win?

 
At 11:00 AM, Blogger Zelda said...

Tinyhands you ignorant slut. I just felt like saying that. No good reason.

We had a 'turnader' in our neighborhood last night. I think it was just a small one, as I can't see any damage except for a few uprooted trees. Jeth and I were standing on our front porch watching the storm, and I heard a rushing noise. I asked Jeth if he thought it was a tornado, and he said, "Nah." Turned out he was wrong. Next time a storm like that comes through, I'm going straight into the closet. In a purely heterosexual sense of course.

 
At 1:16 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

Theic- People ARE stupid, aren't they. Too bad the female ones are soft & smell nice.

Al- That's just the global warming.

Mike- Nothing, just to illustrate my point that it's no fun to play a game with no prizes.

Z- I guess that's better than a Ralph Nader in your neighborhood! *rim shot* Thanks folks, I'll be here all week. And if you tip your waitress, remember to set her back upright. *rim shot* Seriously though...

 
At 3:23 PM, Blogger Inanna said...

Happy Thanksgiving Schweeetie!!! Oh, and uh, OUCH on the ceiling fan thingy in your last post.

 
At 12:29 AM, Blogger amy said...

Oh man I stumbled onto your site by accident and I love it. Thanks for the giggles. I found by accident two mice that moved into my very clean kitchen. I have yet to cook anything since Veteran's day on my stove for fear of something coming from beyond. We have since caught one live and one had to die on my counter last Tuesday after having its big noggin' get trapped under the "killer bars of steel" and the big wad of peanut butter I set for the bait. Now the kitchen is even more cleaned out but man, it gives me the willies just knowing I had a dead carcass of a furry rodent with really long sharp teeth lying on the white counter where once I had a box of crackers. Anywho...thanks for the laughter. I mean a good hearty guffaw kind of laughter. I hope you rid yourself of the hairy monster in your attic as well. Peace and goodnight, Amy

 

Post a Comment

<< Home