Thursday, December 09, 2004

I have traffic issues

With apologies to Mr. Letterman, the Top 10 Things Overheard on Houston Roads:

10) Stop signs? We don't need no steenkin' stop signs.
9) Gaa! What are all those stripes on the street?!
8) Like my new SUV? It gets 10 gallons to the mile.
7) Hey officer, you wanna kill those flashing lights? I'm drivin' here.
6) Houston: Come for the construction, stay for the potholes.
5) 98, 99, 100 feet. Stoplight.
4) "School Zone" doesn't apply if you're not in school anymore, right?
3) Dude...I'm soo high!
2) ¿Usted piensa cualquier persona notarĂ¡ que no entiendo las reglas del camino?

And the Number 1 Thing Overheard on Houston Roads...
1) Can you hear me now? How about if I slow down?

Last night was the Clay Aiken Christmas Special and I missed it. Thank you all for not reminding me, since I would have been devastated if I had to watch it.

Finally, I've picked out uniforms for all of us. Please order your size and have them for next week. We'll be taking a group photo for the holiday newsletter.


At 1:21 AM, Blogger Jethro said...

You forgot "Oooohhh. An accident...We never see those in Houston. Let's slow down to get a better look."

At 1:44 AM, Blogger Heather said...

a) What's wrong with my '80s cartoons? That was my decade, man...And Stewie is a great answer. I mean, c'mon...I should have at least had a sizeable lead over Bugs Bunny.

b) I actually wanted to watch the Clay Aiken special (I'm an American Idol fan; so sue me), but I was caroling at a nursing home. Maybe someday, when you're elderly, I'll come sing to you.

c)I will commit suicide before I grow old enough that I think something like that hideous sweater is even remotely attractive.

At 2:51 AM, Blogger Zelda said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 3:46 AM, Blogger Zelda said...

Sorry, misspelles stuff.

Don't you dis Bugsy, man. He wipes the floor with Rainbow Brite (or is it Mr. Clean....)

Damn. I should have picked Mr. Clean, although it would have been a lie.

And Tiny, that really isn't my color. And I doubt I could squeeze one breast into a Girls PLUS. So unless you're angling for a slightly pornographic group picture...

At 4:06 AM, Blogger emily said...

If it shows up, I think we should have THIS uniform instead:

At 7:45 AM, Blogger Allie#3ga said...

ah the dreaded holiday sweater. i sometimes think i'm the one lone person in the world that hates those things. My best friend has one for every FUCKING holiday. Today on the phone we were talking about our plans for the weekend and outfits - she mentioned that she got a new holiday sweater and i made her renew her vow to shoot me in the FACE if she ever saw me wearing one - cause that would be proof that i had finally gone crazy - in the bad way.

At 11:14 AM, Blogger Mike said...

Heyheyhey! I cry foul! Agnostics/ex-Jews should not have to wear Christmas-themed uniforms, despite what the Patriot Act says. Perhaps a nice grey sweater with question marks on it? That would be lovely.

At 11:47 AM, Blogger tinyhands said...

Jeth- Do you have any idea how hard it is to stop at 10 when talking about things wrong with Houston roadways? Well, yeah you do. Sorry brotha, I share yer pain.

Bonnie Heather- I didn't say anything was wrong with them, I just thought it was brave of you to admit that you liked them. Sure, there's the implication, but I didn't actually say it. And popular opinion has it that I'm already elderly...I want my pudding!

Z- Well, if pornographic is my only choice, who am I to complain? Que sera sera.

Emily- So when I step off the plane in Seoul, do I turn left or right? Maybe you could send a car?

Allie- You wouldn't be that mad if you didn't already own at least one tacky holiday sweater. Come on, admit that picture of you & Mike (the dog, not ogblay) in matching sweaters.

Mike- I am not having The Riddler mess up my group photo!

At 12:46 PM, Blogger Zelda said...

Mike. That sweater was made for agnostic exJews. :-)

At 1:17 PM, Blogger Allie#3ga said...

how did you know about that ... have you been sneaking in my house again....

At 4:12 PM, Blogger Tasty said...

The only problem with the Tiara "Red Reindeer" Holiday Sweater is that the reindeer aren't actually wearing tiaras. Just kidding, I'm with Allie on the shoot-me-in-the-face requirement. Additionally, if you EVER see me in one of those crocheted ponchos, the same rule applies.

At 6:49 PM, Blogger The Tart said...

Bread crumb all around 4 all the great comments! What were the uniforms like?

; )


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