Thursday, November 04, 2004

Step 1: Wang Chung

Holy kee-rap traffic was bad today, but I figured out why: There was an accident. I was in it. I was killed. Statistics class was relocated to room 116, 7th concentric circle of hell. Look people, it's Thursday. If you haven't yet figured out that the clocks changed a few days ago you need to stick sharp little bits of wood under your fingernails so that you won't reach into your pocket/purse to get your car keys. The sun going down does not mean that you need to get on the freeway and rush to the supermarket to buy canned meats and vegetables and bottled water. The sun will rise again tomorrow...stay in your homes and offices until my class starts. The sooner you people realize that the world revolves around me the easier things will get for all of us.

And while I'm thinking of statistics class, the funk returned. This time it entered the room after I did and it was obviously attached to an individual. So, to the middle-eastern guy who I'm sure reads this and is a nice guy if you get to know him, the olfactory jihad against the barbarians who ritually splash clean water and scented oils on their bodies needs to end. Couldn't you just do that 'la-la-la-la-la' thing with your tongue? If you have any questions, I refer you to the above, re: world revolving around me.



I think you're all fucked in the head. We're 10 hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something: This is no longer a vacation, it's a quest. It's a quest for fun. I'm going to have fun, and you're going to have fun. We're all going to have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles. You'll be whistling zippy-dee-do-dah out of your assholes. Ha ha ha! I've got to be crazy, I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit.

Dad, you want an aspirin or something?

DON'T TOUCH!



Fun Music Edition- Damn it's hard to only pick 5!
I haven't done a music edition in a while, so I figure it's about time. In case I never spelled it out before, the idea is to take a few minutes to find and download one or two of these. Those of you who are over-achievers (you know who you are) will get all 5. While I don't officially condone stealing music...ahh fuckit, make your own moral decisions. If downloading 5 freakin' songs is beyond you, you might get to hear a clip at http://www.allmusic.com.

1. Manu Chao & Tonino Carotone - La Trampa
You'll recognize this as the theme to Drew Carey's Green Screen Show which in itself is just silly. Whether or not you like the show, the song is fun even if [especially if?] you don't speak Spanish (which I don't).
2. Jimmy Buffet - Volcano
Hey, he don't know!
3. Hall & Oates - You Make My Dreams
I will always associate this song with the movie I Love You To Death, as this song is playing in the night club scene and Kevin Kline is one funny-ass bloke. Then of course there's Phoebe Cates' ass. *drool*
4. Save Ferris - Come on Eileen
New twist on an old classic...I loves me some ska.
5. Jo-El Sonnier - Jambalaya
Release the inner coon-ass in all of you.

Honorable Mention: Barenaked Ladies - It's All Been Done
But only if you sing the woo-hoo-hoo-hoos.

4 Comments:

At 2:45 PM, Blogger loveit said...

the next time i read this blog in the morning and spend the rest of the time singing the marty moose song ... i'm loadin' up the car and headed to texas mister ....... marty moose marty moose, yukka THAT'S ME!

 
At 1:27 AM, Blogger Badaunt said...

Bloody hell that was a long post. I thought of two things I wanted to say while I was reading it, but by the time I got to the end I'd forgotten both of them. I'll get back to you.

 
At 1:30 AM, Blogger Badaunt said...

I'm back.

1. 'Statistics' is properly pronounced 'sadistics'. Try it. You find that nobody notices, and doesn't that tell you something?

2. If you smile too much your teeth dry up. (I can't remember why I wanted to say that, but this time I took notes as I was reading. Perhaps it will make sense to you.)

 
At 12:42 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

I suppose I didn't need that movie quote in there, but it was the first thing I wrote as an introduction to 'Fun Music Edition'. Then I remembered something that happened from my day that I should write about, so it went first. And after I had spent 30 minutes digging through my mp3s for find a representative sample (damn statistics!) I couldn't just discard all that work. So, in short, to sum up, *pblthhh* :P

 

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