Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Other blogs, episode 1

Excerpts from, A Day in the Life of a Ninja-

January 22, 2004 - Chinese New Year. Lots of fireworks today. Perfect excuse to use a gun, but I love the blowgun the wife got me. Killed a banker who failed to pay protection money.

January 31 - Assassinated a town councilor who voted to raise taxes. Got blood on my shinobi shozoku (uniform). Good thing it's black.

February 14 - Almost forgot Valentine's day. No money for flowers, killed florist with throwing star. Wife not impressed- she got the blood out of my uniform but didn't use fabric softener. Nothing worse than itchy split-toe socks.

March 6 - Too busy to blog lately, big rumble with rival ninjas from next town over. I'm sure they're good guys under the hood and all. I killed 6 of them, Johnson only killed 1. I'm beginning to think he's not pulling his weight.

March 30 - My allergies are driving me nuts. I sneezed inside my hood all night. Gross. Incompetant guards still didn't notice me sneaking in. I didn't kill them though- I love it when they get in trouble instead. Wife made rice again. I'd like potatoes once in a while.

April 19 - I sat in that tree all night waiting to ambush the businessman I was ordered to kill. He never showed up. I think I got bit by ants or some sort of rash. Worst thing is I have to do it again tonight.

June 3 - Haven't been able to blog lately, I've been away on business. Ordered to kill organizers of farm labor collective. No internet access way out in the countryside. It was a terrible trip. Airline made me check my sword, knives, and stars then nearly lost my luggage- it came on a later flight. Rental car was a shitty compact. The farm job wasn't much better- Accidentally killed their ox with the first shot with throwing knife. I haven't thrown one in ages so I was a bit rusty. Not to worry, chop chop with my sword. Problem solved. Flight home uneventful, but I want to kill whoever decided to show Catwoman on the flight. Nice suit though.

August 22 - Nearly killed Jehovah's Witness at door this morning. Seriously, who knocks on people's doors at 8am on a Sunday? I totally pictured my spiked chain around his neck, but restrained myself. Hot summer has been torture wearing black suit. That reminds me, I need to water the lawn. Wife complaining. Yeah, that'll get it done faster.

October 31 - Ordered to kill another businessman who failed to pay for protection. Knocked on the door and he gave me a Mini-Snickers. Killed him quickly. If he was handing out candy corn I would have tortured him first. Listen to me carefully- Nobody likes candy corn.

December 12 - Won bid for poison darts on eBay. Quick reflexes pay off every time. I just hope they arrive in time for Christmas.

13 Comments:

At 11:02 AM, Blogger Allie#3ga said...

those cats were fast as lightning, in fact it was a little bit frightening - but they fought with expert timing.

 
At 11:02 AM, Blogger Kate the Peon said...

Pffft. I woulda just copied an IM conversation.

 
At 10:32 PM, Blogger Mike said...

This is good. I may steal this concept.

 
At 10:01 AM, Blogger Zelda said...

This is very funny. Is there a blog address?

 
At 11:17 AM, Blogger ceekay said...

There have been many times when I've wished I could kill a Jehovah's Witness. And I'd have killed someone for giving me minisnickers too.
=)

 
At 3:38 PM, Blogger Kate the Peon said...

See, I'm not the only confused on.

 
At 11:41 AM, Blogger Jethro said...

I see you found my brother.

 
At 11:51 PM, Blogger Heather said...

...update...

 
At 11:51 PM, Blogger Heather said...

...update...

 
At 11:51 PM, Blogger Heather said...

...update...

 
At 11:51 PM, Blogger Heather said...

...update...

 
At 11:52 PM, Blogger Heather said...

...update...

 
At 4:30 PM, Blogger Heather said...

Wow, why did that post five times?

I swear, I only clicked "Publish" once.

 

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