Sunday, April 17, 2005


It's late. It's dark, except for the light from the monitor. It's so bright it hurts my eyes, but I don't feel like getting up to turn on a light. The TV is on, but I can't see it from here. I'm not paying attention to it, I'm listening to the new Rob Thomas album. I can't decide if I like it or not, and leaning towards not. The TV is on a lot here. It's a futile attempt to make it seem like I'm not alone. *sigh* I'm wearing my glasses. I've been wearing them a lot lately, since I thought my conjunctivitis might have been coming back. It's not painful, just annoying having my contacts swirl around every time I blink. The glasses are old but I see fine, so why care? Well, they're not exactly comfortable either. I can still wear the contacts, I'm just cutting back. In this dark/bright contrast I see the reflection of my eyeballs in my lenses.

I stayed up very late last night to chat with a friend on the other side of the globe. I hope it's not too presumptuous to call her 'friend'. I really enjoy chatting with her. She makes me think and I love that. I have nice conversations with others too, but different. It might all be in my head, assigning some mystical attribute just because she's half a world away. I slept late today as a consequence, as if I have a reason to get out of bed at all. I got a phone call from a girl friend today. She says she called just to hear my voice- very sweet. She's been busy lately, so we haven't had time to get together, but she told me that she'd been thinking about me. I feel a little bit at her mercy, as I'm nearly always available for her. I don't feel taken for granted, since there's no expectation on my part. It could go there if I let it, though. If I were to dwell on it. I almost told her about the dream I had about her- yes, that kind of dream- but she ran out of time and had to go. Actually, I don't think it was as much about her as it merely involved her. Still. Maybe that's a guy thing. I'm a bit embarassed to tell her about it, since we don't have that kind of friendship and I still fancy myself a bit of a gentleman. But the new me doesn't keep secrets. That's what I tell myself anyway.

I did the laundry, grocery shopping, and changed the sheets on the bed. Hospital corners. I don't need the sheets tucked in tightly, but I do like the bed nice and neat. Tidy. I can fold down the covers, slide in, sleep, get out of bed, and fold the corner back into place as though I was never there. Maybe it's because I don't sleep very deeply any more that I don't thrash about and destroy the bed like everyone else I know. Those of you that have someone else thrashing about next to you don't count. I got my hairscut by the Persian goddess yesterday. She's so beautiful and imperfect at the same time. *sigh* Trapped in place by money and education, the lack thereof. I too suffer from Pretty Woman syndrome- I want to rescue her, provided she'd rescue me right back. Not tonight, it's late.


At 8:22 AM, Blogger Badaunt said...

Using only the light from the monitor is BAD FOR YOUR EYES. STOP IT.

At 11:29 AM, Blogger mellancollyeyes said...

i love it when you post like's very American Beauty-esque

At 3:35 PM, Blogger Inanna said...

I'm with mellancollyeyes.. very American Beauty-esque... so much beauty in the world.

At 7:42 PM, Blogger Kate the Peon said...

I enjoyed this post.

At 9:03 PM, Blogger Jammie J. said...

Why are you looking at your eyeball's reflection? You're gonna go cross-eyed. ;)

Just kidding. Just wanted to make you roll your eyes.

This was a cool post. Is this what it's like inside your head?

At 9:34 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

Apart from Theic's admonition, I'm kind of surprised at the positive feedback. I struggled with whether or not to even hit publish, since I thought this was tedious and mediocre at best. And yes, I think this is fairly indicative of what it's like inside my head (which is why I thought it was tedious and mediocre at best). If anyone would care to get more specific about what you liked, you should email me.

Thanks all.


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