as told to (your name here)

Night birds

As we near the 1 year anniversary of my divorce (aside: And I really don't think of it as an anniversary, but I swear I'm not pining over the loss) I'll try to think up some stories of why I'm better off without her...

But first: I really must thank and give a huge shout out to the sick fuck who found my blog by googling Chairman Mao Genital Hygiene. Seriously dude, you made my week. (And now that I've put it all together in one phrase, I should be higher up on the list, w00h00!)

A few months ago, I saved the life of a baby bat. I don't know that I actually saved its life, but it was better off when I left it than how I found it. See, I was walking to the grocery store on a Sunday evening to get the Sunday paper. I walk past a number of large office buildings on my way there, several of which have park-like grounds which make them tolerable to live near. As I'm walking I notice something crawling along the sidewalk towards me about 15 yards ahead. I approach to find a baby bat crawling along the ground. He was about the size of a hamster, dark brown/black, and as far as I could tell he was physically fine. By that, I mean he wasn't bloody, limping/dragging anything, and he didn't appear all that upset about having to crawl along the ground. Bats aren't known for being pedestrians, but I got the feeling that this little guy was just too young and had merely fallen out of the nest. I wasn't about to pick him up with my bare hands, so I went looking for a branch. Well-manicured office parks don't have a lot of tree debris lying around, so it took me a few minutes to find a suitable one. I managed to scoop him up, and I carried him across the park to one of the larger trees, which he gladly grabbed onto and began to scurry up as soon as I got him close to it. And that is how I saved a baby bat.

It's worth pointing out that Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona all have sizable bat populations. Houston isn't particularly known for it, being a coastal swampland, but Austin is quite famous for its bats. Austin is also where I met my ex-wife. It is a popular and entertaining pasttime to watch the bats swoop around the Congress street bridge feeding on the bugs attracted to the floodlights. Bats are also found on and around the UT campus, especially near the Tower which is also usually flooded in light. Picture two young lovers, hand in hand, out for an evening stroll coming across dozens of bats flitting this way and that. (It would be fun to imagine the young couple devoured by said bats, but this story has a happy ending.) The boy points out the bats, to which the young lady responds, "Those aren't bats, they're night birds." He chuckles a bit and corrects her- Mexican free-tailed bats. "No," she insists, "they're night birds." This goes on for a few minutes, but they've reached an impasse. Sensing her discomfort at them being bats, he decides to agree. We'll call them night birds from now on.

Reason #2- She's ignorant.

posted by tinyhands @ 11:59 PM