as told to (your name here)

My interview

Truthfully, I wasn't going to write anything today. Some of you expected to hear about my weekend, my day, or my grocery shopping for foods that start with the letter N. Unfortunately I had an exceptionally bad day today, and since none of you have paid your subscription dues to this blog in a really long time (seriously, the fines are racking up people) I feel no obligation to write.

Nevertheless, Badaunt (who will forever be Theic to me and no, I won't explain) ensnared me in a blog-interview and I figure I can crank this out pretty quickly and wipe this day off the books. Apparently the rule is that the first 5 people to comment on this get interviewed by me, and so on. Therefore, if you don't want me asking you questions (and I intend to make them quite personal), keep your yap shut.

1. The phone rings. You answer it. Someone says, "Remember me?" Who is it?
It's my mother. I could tell my mother's voice apart in a stadium of 75,000 rowdy fans and yet, as I imagine your mother does too, she announces who it is whenever she calls. Nevermind the caller-ID. She does, in fact, ask "Remember me?" because it's been all of a week since we last spoke. No, not who I was hoping for either.

2. You did it! Nobody thought you would, but you did! What did you do?
Good question. My dad would likely say "get a job." My mom would likely say "remarry and have lots of babies." My sister would likely say "go to church." They'd all be wrong, since it's not all that farfetched that I'd do any of the above. Similarly, I'd like to say that I'd get my pilot's license, move to a foreign country, or make a million dollars but those aren't all that outrageous either and probably wouldn't surprise everyone. Realistically, the thing I'm least likely to ever do is participate in a triathlon or similar event requiring physical exertion. It would shock the hell out of me too.

3. What was your greatest fear when you were 10(ish)?
I've always had a fear of abandonment. At age 10(ish) I went shopping with my parents and grandparents to the largest mall in Houston which is my 'regular' mall now and naturally isn't that big and scary anymore, but it was a big deal back then for all of us being from the suburbs. At some point I either wandered off or missed them wandering off so I was alone in the big city. I panicked, ran out of the store, ran back into the store, screamed bloody murder, only to see my grandpa in the window of the adjacent store watching me and laughing.

4. What's the meanest trick you've ever played on anybody?
I'm the reason high school boys shouldn't be allowed to drive a car, any car. My parents provided me with my own transportation starting somewhere around age 16.5 and I drove as fast and recklessly as is possible to do without loss of life. I say that, only to preface the meanest trick- while driving with my then-girlfriend I once shouted "A deer!" and then slammed on the brakes. Why I did this isn't real clear, especially since the result of her not being properly buckled-in was that she hit her head on the dashboard with an audible thump. Not hard, mind you, especially since the car was an enormous Detroit gas-guzzler with a huge padded dash. Still, I laughed, and it was quite mean. No, she wasn't hurt, just stunned.

5. What's the last thing that made you laugh unexpectedly and loudly and without restraint?
Unexpectedly, loudly, and without restraint? If you're going to pin it down that tightly I might not be able to remember a time when I did so. Sure, I've laughed recently, such as at a television programme on Cartoon Network or at some of the blogs I read online. I had a couple good chuckles recently enjoying the day/evening with a good friend. But unexpectedly, loudly, and without restraint? I'm afraid it's been a really long time. I'm sure I'm overdue.

posted by tinyhands @ 11:59 PM