Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Love in the Business School

She was in accounting. He was in finance. She was looking for a White Knight, but he was a bit of an odd lot. As he passed her in the hallway he exercised his lookback option. She was looking too. Despite the GAAP between them there was accrued interest. With great anticipation he wrote her a note. It was boilerplate mostly, since he wasn't much of a writer. Was she callable? Was she a book entry and what was her ask price? That was a standard error, and she recognized him as common stock, but it was a tender offer so she agreed to go out with him. She still had reserve and was factoring all of his liabilities. She told him that because of his maturity, her expected return was well before midnight. He took her at face value and made allowance for this shortened duration.

They never should have told their friends. Hers thought it was an adverse selection, that he had no real assets, that there was no chance for partnership, and that they wouldn't date him for any dirty price. His friends just wanted to know if she had any standard deviation, if there was a naked option, and if she would straddle him in a horizontal merger. He didn't think one date would warrant that kind of talk, no matter how he played his CARDs. After all, she was the controller and the preferred stock. His friends were just WACC. After a haircut, he set out to pick her up.

He straightened his collar, which looked like he had used a coupon at Goodwill. Although his CAR was a convertible she finally realized that they had no future together. As he fumbled with a CD, she began to think this date would last in perpetuity. This date had no salvage value and even a blind man could see the validity in her position. She gave him credit for trying but she just couldn't appreciate his present value. As she lept from the car she lost her balance and fell flat on her back-end load.

7 Comments:

At 11:15 AM, Blogger Badaunt said...

My, my! You HAVE been studying hard!

 
At 11:46 AM, Blogger Kate the Peon said...

It's probably not a good thing that at the end of my grad school career, some of these terms ring no bells.

 
At 5:23 PM, Blogger evilsciencechick said...

Hey! Blogger's back on! I can comment!

that was the strangest MadLibs I've ever read.

 
At 6:59 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

Theic- And yet got my ass handed to me Tuesday night. Maybe I should submit my blog for extra credit.

kTp- You're just going to wind up doing shipping like in that commercial anyway.

ESC- If you can geek out on your probes and radioactive monkeys, I can geek out on the business once in a while too.

 
At 7:35 PM, Blogger mellancollyeyes said...

Writing stories with our junk mail again?? Love that pasttime...

 
At 11:45 PM, Blogger mellancollyeyes said...

POST DAMN YOU! POOOOOOOOOOST!!!!

What else is going to distract me from homework?!

 
At 12:17 AM, Blogger Beth said...

I love it when you speak my language!

 

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