as told to (your name here)

A fake-Scotsman in Beijing

When last we left our intrepid hero, he was hailing a taxi at the People's International Airport...

Here's how getting a taxi in China really works: 30 men of marginal hygiene surround you pushing, shoving, and shouting the only two words they know in English. "HELLO! TAXI!" Over the next 3 weeks you will come to hate the word "HELLO!" Finally, the alpha-taxi-male finally grabs your suitcase(s) and leads you away from the populated area into the parking garage where you are to be beaten, robbed, and perhaps murdered. You won't mind so much, as you've just come off 20 some-odd hours in coach so a bath, even a bloodbath, sounds pretty nice. But to your pleasant surprise you are neither beaten, robbed, nor murdered and away you go. The alpha-taxi-male is no longer with you, as you discover he was just the taxi-pimp. Your driver does not know the 2 English words the other men know, so you flip open your guidebook to point and grunt at the Chinese characters next to the English name of your hotel. Puzzled looks are truly international. Point and grunt again. Yes, yes, he's got it this time. Your pointing and grunting skills are going to get a good workout on this vacation.

A hutong is an alleyway that may or may not be paved, regardless of its proximity to the city center. Expect free-range chickens. Our hotel was down a paved hutong but it was really very lovely. Although the beds aren't comfortable by western standards (think plywood), we felt safe and well cared-for. I would highly recommend it. Wherever you stay, your hotel will have business cards with the hotel's name in Chinese characters so that any taxi driver can take you the long-way back to the hotel. Every hotel concierge will also happily write down the name of the place you're going, in Chinese characters of course, on the back of said business card so that any taxi driver can take you the long-way there. (aside: I'm kidding, actually.) Taxi is definitely the preferred mode of transportation in and around every city in China. I found drivers to be polite and usually took a direct-route. And they're pretty cheap; less than US$10 from one side of Beijing, a huge sprawling metropolis, to the other. Hopefully you'll get a good look at the city- Beijing is a modern world capital with skyscrapers, freeways, and most modern conveniences. The People's Freeways are beautifully lined with fresh flowers, lovingly tended by the People's Gardners. If you look carefully, you WILL see the stereotypical little old man with the pointed hat and dark, round sunglasses. Be sure to point and laugh so he knows you're American.

Having showered, slept, and showered again for good measure, we set off to find the Forbidden City. The Forbidden City is only forbidden to those that don't have the 60 Yuan (~US$7.50) admission. If you can help it, don't go to Tiananmen Square to enter the Forbidden City, although that's the "traditional entrance". You will be bombarded by hawkers and lord knows what else, so use the "Celebrity Blogger" entrance (aside: It's unfortunately not marked as such) on the east side. In case you've made it to Beijing without knowing a thing about China, the Forbidden City was the Emperor's residence for about 500 years until PuYi abdicated the throne in 1912 and was finally evicted around 1915. Please watch your step, as each of the 9,999 rooms have a 1-foot high threshhold designed to trip marauding western tourists. I can't say enough about the enormity and the beauty of this place except that you will need to wear comfortable walking shoes. Given that Chinese museums and attractions are only open from roughly 10am - 4pm (even in summer) we spent the entire "day" here.

Day 2- The Great Wall at Mutianyu.
The Great Wall of China, contrary to popular myth, is not visible with the naked eye from space. Chinese astronauts and cosmonauts have confirmed this. The Great Wall is also not a continuous barrier around the border of China. Much of the Great Wall has fallen into disrepair, although the Chinese government has restored several sections that are easily accessible by car (guided tour, not rental) from Beijing. They've also restored the original 5th century ticket kiosks. If you are only planning to visit one section of the Great Wall, this is the one to go to. Your hotel will help you arrange a car and guide for roughly US$20 for the whole day. About 1.5 hours northwest of Beijing, Mutianyu is beautiful countryside, rolling hills, and t-shirt vendors. Yes, hawkers will bug the shit out of you, including standing directly in your path shouting "HELLO!" These hawkers know a little bit more English, including "I remember you!" if you try to explain that you'll buy something when you return from the Wall. You will also pass through dirt-poor stone-age villages that have never seen indoor plumbing, electricity, or western tourists for more than a split second. Built along the peaks of the hills, exploring the Wall is strenuous exercise. Some sections of the wall climb the hills at angles approaching 60-degrees. It's made of some sort of amazing stone though. If it happens to rain, the water soaks INTO the stone and isn't the slightest bit slippery. There's not a whole lot to eat here though, so if you didn't pack a lunch you can get dumplings and bottled water (aside: Repeat, BOTTLED water) at a little cafe.

As I re-read what I've written so far, I feel I should probably stop here for the day and allow you to ask questions. As I get a lot of the basic stuff out of the way, I'll try to go a little faster. In case you hadn't noticed, click on the title of this entry to see pictures in the album entitled "Beijing".

[Next: What, Chinese food again?!]

posted by tinyhands @ 11:59 PM