Thursday, May 18, 2006

Keep Tinyhands in a cool, dry place

I had fast-food for dinner a few nights ago. I'm not proud of it, so this is my confession. I don't know what came over me, since I very rarely eat fast-food, but as dinner time approached, the window in which to start cooking slowly narrowed to the point at which I would have been starving had I then begun. So I hopped into the car and bought a hamburger (two patties, bacon, cheese, and mayo if you must know - total fat: 911) and medium fries. Shortly after devouring it I felt terrible, not physically (although that would come later) but mentally. It occurs to me that fast-food is a lot like masturbation: When the uncontrollable urge hits you, you have got to satisfy it. It's over way too quickly and you feel guilty about it for hours. (Or maybe that's just me) The next day I took a double dose of Lipitorâ„¢, my version of the morning-after pill.

In other food related news, I noticed a commercial on TV for a popular over-the-counter antacid/heartburn/acid-reflux medication which I won't name here because they haven't paid me to do so. (Note to advertisers: I can be bought) In this particular ad, a father is about to chomp down on a spicy burrito, while his family looks on in horror. What the family doesn't know is that the man has recently taken a dose of this particular drug and that the spicy food won't be giving him heartburn. Presumably he bitch-slaps his wife and kids for making a scene in public (not shown), and after eating the burrito they all happily board their plane.

But does anyone else see what's wrong with this scene? A grown man has just eaten a spicy burrito, moments before being locked into a confined space (with recirculating air) with both family and strangers for several hours. Even the Air Marshals won't be able to protect you from that kind of assault.

11 Comments:

At 8:39 AM, Blogger kcterrilynn said...

I've had the same thought about that commercial. It's really quite disturbing. All I know is with my luck, I'd be the one sitting next to him. Eww.

 
At 9:56 AM, Blogger Mike said...

It's just you.

 
At 10:39 AM, Blogger Zelda said...

You are so very Catholic.

Try masturbating when you're pregnant. That'll cure any guilt.

Are you freaked out now?

 
At 10:50 AM, Blogger tinyhands said...

KCTL- Like an atom bomb, you don't have to be right next to it when it goes off to get burned. I suspect, at a minimum, that anyone in coach not already wishing he was dead, would now.

ikeMay- I think I already knew that.

Z- I'm definitely freaked out about getting pregnant!

 
At 12:27 PM, Blogger Allie#3ga said...

Even the Air Marshals won't be able to protect you from that kind of assault.


you said "assult"

 
At 4:56 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

Mimi- No I didn't.

 
At 10:04 AM, Blogger Kristin said...

It's definatly just you. ;)

 
At 8:52 AM, Blogger Jethro said...

Lipitor is ninja poison. :lol:

Actually, lipitor doesn't cut the cholesterol from food sources. It only reduces the cholesterol that your own body makes. However, it's notorious for problems such as muscle wasting. Reason being is because it blocks an important enzyme used in the formation of cholesterol. However, the body uses that same enzyme to form other vital things as well. Be careful with that stuff.

 
At 12:33 PM, Blogger Allie#3ga said...

frekin' spelling police. sheesh.

 
At 8:00 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

Kristin- That explanation can be used for many things.

Jethro- Look who suddenly thinks he's a doctor!

Mimi- Cope.

 
At 9:32 PM, Blogger Inanna said...

Haaahahahahahaha!! Morning after pill...

 

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