Wednesday, January 31, 2007

The one about honesty

I scribbled in my notebook a few weeks (honestly- months) ago 'The Case for Open and Honest' which, if I recall, had two meanings. The first (honestly- less interesting) meaning had something to do with government being transparent about stuff. There are psychological reasons why it's a bad idea for guys like the President to come out and admit he was wrong about something, but I already wrote a bit about that. On a related note, I thought it interesting that when the Vice President says something like "failure in Iraq would embolden the insurgents" nobody ever asks him, "since when do you know anything about the insurgents?"

But I digress, because the other meaning of open and honest was more personal and this blog is nothing if not (honestly- boring) personal. In past relationships, I was never completely open and honest, even in my marriage. I won't speculate that it had anything to do with the breakup, but it couldn't have been good. So now I try to be open and honest, no matter what the consequences. I had the opportunity to try it out recently, and although it caused me quite a bit of stress, I was rather pleased with the results.

This is counter-intuitive to me, because men are generally trained to avoid honesty when dealing with women. I don't think the intent is to be dishonest but when posed the question, 'Do these pants make me look fat?' it's just that we quickly learn that there is no correct answer. The obviously wrong answer is 'Yes, those pants make you look fat.' Some men might try to suggest that different pants would yield a different result, however these men are called celibate. The not-so-obviously-but-still-wrong answer is 'No, those pants don't make you look fat.' This answer is to be avoided because the woman sees herself as fat anyway and you're just a lying douche. Another incorrect answer is to say 'My attorney has advised me to assert my fifth amendment rights.' This will only encourage the woman to retain her own lawyer.* When posed the impossible question, the well-trained man will answer by setting fire to something (suggested: couch, car, pets, self). Men know that although this is not a guaranteed method of changing the subject, it is less painful.

Although I'm trying to be honest, I hope nobody asks me that question because I really don't want to set my junk on fire.


*Other wrong answers include, but are not limited to:
- I'm sorry, were you talking to me?
- You know who's really fat? That skank sister of yours.
- It depends on what the definition of 'is' is.

9 Comments:

At 7:17 PM, Blogger Cootera said...

Does this font make me look fat? Don't answer, TH. I wouldn't want you to drown or something.

 
At 12:29 AM, Blogger Jeanette said...

I'm of the ilk that if I have to ask the question at all means I probably shouldn't wear those pants and that I should instead go with a pair of black pants. Because black is slimming. And for GOD'S sake don't wear beige/skin colored pants.

 
At 6:56 PM, Blogger Zelda said...

Honesty as a positive thing is completely dependant on how much of it both of you want.

Your post about "night birds" stuck with me. Some people seem to have a certain amount of cognitive dissonance that prevents anyone from being honest with them.

If I ask how something looks on me, I want an honest answer. If you are repulsed by me in some way, well you wouldn't be there for me to ask, right?

 
At 1:19 PM, Blogger Leese said...

Honesty is a double-edged sword.

 
At 3:58 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

Ang- But if I lied, I wouldn't be using TrueType

J- I must disagree. One of my favorite restaurants had a hostess who used to wear beige pants and a bright blue thong.

Z- "If you are repulsed by me in some way, well you wouldn't be there for me to ask, right?"
The zen of honesty.

Leese- But only dangerous if wielded in anger.

 
At 4:48 PM, Blogger Beth said...

I once had someone answer that question with: Does it really matter? I just want to get in those pants!

I think he's found the loophole. Cause it sure as hell worked for me! But then again, you know I'm easy. ;)

 
At 6:18 PM, Blogger tinyhands said...

Beth- Like sunday morning.

 
At 5:35 PM, Blogger mellancollyeyes said...

I'd like it if you told me my sister was a skank. And fat. Especially because I don't have a sister.

 
At 12:46 PM, Blogger Brighton said...

I ask Travis all the time if my bra makes my boobs look too big. ha!
I'm all for honesty though, you can't go wrong with it.

 

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